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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some belive technology has made our lives too complex ande the solution is to lead a simplier life without technology.To what extend do you agree of disagree.

There is no denying the fact that
technology
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 plays a vital role in our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that it makes our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 very intricate, there is an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that digital tools provide many utilities
among
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to
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 the community.
To begin
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 with, some people
heavily
Verb problem
have become heavily
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 dependent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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technology
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 in recent days,
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although of
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despite
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 its negative impact.
In other words
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, it has many defects
,
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apply
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 and brings many drawbacks
for
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to
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 our daily
life
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, especially in our social relationships.
Therefore
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, some views say that we should
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
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this
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 new equipment.
Furthermore
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, replace them
by
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with
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 handle ones and go back to the past through relying on the traditional methods.
For example
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,
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life
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apply
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in South Korea, the population there
use
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uses
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 outdated machines, and
maintain
Correct subject-verb agreement
maintains
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 their norms and traditional social
life
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. Another point to consider is that advanced
technology
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 has a significant role in various fields. It is possible to say that digital devices have a direct connection with enhancing many sectors
such
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 as medicine, engineering and transport
system
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systems
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.
Moreover
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, they are contributing to
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
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 pioneers to explore innovations and intentions.
For instance
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, the progress and revolution of
technology
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 in the USA
,
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apply
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which
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apply
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play a pivotal role in improving the quality of
life
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. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I disagree with
this
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 concept;
however
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, people should use new assists in balance, and avoid exaggerating in use. What is more, the main solution
of
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to
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this
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 trend is the awareness about risks and disadvantages
for
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of
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 overuse by public initiatives.

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structure
State a clear position in the introduction and keep it in all body paragraphs.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences and check spelling and grammar.
content
Give one strong example for each main idea and explain why it matters.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are connected.
stance
The writer shows a clear view against the idea of removing technology.
content
There is an effort to discuss both sides and the use of tech in life.
example
Some examples are added to link ideas to life.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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