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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In recent years, it is argued that media exposure of celebrities’ private lives has sparked widespread debate. Although some individuals believe that fame comes with the loss of privacy, others consider that celebrities deserve protection of their personal lives. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years, it has been argued that media exposure of
superstar'
Fix the agreement mistake
superstars'
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 private
lives
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 has sparked a widespread debate.
Although
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 some individuals believe that fame comes with
loss
Correct article usage
a loss
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 of
privacy
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, others consider that
celebrities
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 deserve protection of their personal
lives
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.
This
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 essay has clarified and shed light on both perspectives before offering a personal viewpoint. On the one hand, it is essential to recognise that citizens should acknowledge the importance of publicising as an inevitable part of
well-known
Verb problem
being well-known
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. A critical point to highlight is that popularity brings attention
due to
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public's
Correct article usage
the public's
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 wanting to know about their
lives
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.
For example
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, a multitude of
celebrities
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 benefit from news coverage, not only boosting their career but
also
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 their reputation and
income
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incomes
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.
Moreover
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, another crucial aspect to emphasise is that media exposure may increase popularity, endorsements, and opportunities, which is essential for improving their popularity.
On the other hand
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, it is undeniable that the right to
privacy
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 is a basic human right
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 the invasion of
privacy
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 has many harmful effects on
celebrities
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.
Firstly
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, if the media exaggerates or fabricates stories, it would generate a detrimental impact on serious mental health issues, like stress, depression, or anxiety.
Secondly
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, the invasion of basic principles of
privacy
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also
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 has negative impacts on their families, especially the children of
celebrities
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 who might suffer from embarrassment or bullying at school
due to
Linking Words
 scandals.
For example
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, scandals or paparazzi harassment can cause significant harm.
Therefore
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, respecting their right to
privacy
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 is essential to protect not only individuals but
also
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 the fairness of society. In conclusion, it is evident that some publicity is natural, but boundaries must be respected.
Although
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celebrities
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 should not be forced to accept unlimited intrusion because fame brings some publicity, fundamental personal
privacy
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 must still be respected. In my opinion, laws and ethical guidelines should limit intrusion.
This
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 approach can provide opportunities for
celebrities
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 to share information they want publicly
while
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 keeping their private
lives
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 safe.

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Task response
Plan your essay before you write. Say your view in the first part and again in the end.
Coherence and cohesion
Make one clear main point in each paragraph with a short sentence at the start (topic sentence).
Lexical resource
Use plain words. Short sentences help the reader follow your idea.
Task response
Give two or three clear examples and explain how they show your point.
Task response
It shows both sides and ends with your view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use of on the one hand / on the other hand helps to show contrast.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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