IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that it is important for governments to pay for large pieces of art, for example, sculptures, to be put on public display in outdoor places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is undeniable that officers need to construct large pieces of art in public outdoor places, which has become a highly debated topic in contemporary society. In my opinion, I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides briefly before presenting a well-grounded justification for my position. On the one hand, some people may find
merits
Fix the agreement mistake
merit
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 in the argument that governments spend the majority of
money
Correct pronoun usage
their money
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 to build outdoor art displays for various logical reasons. One of the primary explanations is that sculptures in the city can increase the memory for visitors, which stems from the belief that the displays have many elements which stand for the area's features.
Hence
Linking Words
, it makes a deeper impression on the public.
For instance
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,
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint
emphasizes
Change the spelling
emphasises
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 the urban identity shaping, highlighting its potential significance to tourists. From
this
Linking Words
 angle, landmark memory appears to provide a reasonable rationale in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
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 of opposing views.
On the other hand
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, I strongly argue that the official funds should invest
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 social welfare and medical care, which is a far more convincing perspective when evaluated comprehensively.
First,
Linking Words
social welfare serves as a cornerstone in understanding the broader implications of the economically and politically
marginalized
Change the spelling
marginalised
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usually
Punctuation problem
, usually
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 being reported on the news, when boosting society development may create employment opportunities and reveal its potential to drive long-term improvements or solutions.
This
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 becomes particularly relevant when considering
disparity
Correct article usage
the disparity
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 between
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
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 and
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
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, which aligns with broader social or economic objectives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, medical care
further
Linking Words
 strengthens the validity of
this
Linking Words
 argument by addressing insufficient resources
at
Change preposition
in
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 the remote area.
Such
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 a perspective highlights the importance of medical expenditure to
improve
Verb problem
enable
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 people to receive medical treatments , as it not only mitigates existing challenges but
also
Linking Words
 fosters positive change in rural areas.
Consequently
Linking Words
, using abundant money in social welfare and medical care
reflect
Correct subject-verb agreement
reflects
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 a more balanced and progressive approach to resolving social problems in today’s complex world. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the viewpoint that funds to rebuild the city’s image presents a seemingly logical rationale, I am of firm conviction that using the large money
in
Change preposition
on
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 necessary social issues is ultimately the most reasonable stance.

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weakness
State your view clearly in the opening and keep a single main idea in each paragraph.
weakness
Link ideas with clear connections so the reader can see how points fit together.
weakness
Give fuller details or examples to back up your points.
improvement
Stick to the task and avoid long, off-topic lines; plan your essay before writing.
strength
You tell the reader your view and you include both sides.
strength
You use a simple structure with an intro, body, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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