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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graphs below show the subscriptions to mobile and fixed phone lines in four different countries between 2005 and 2015

The line graphs below show the subscriptions to mobile and fixed phone lines in four different countries between 2005 and 2015
The line graph illustrates the no.of subscriptions made by people in Eritrea, India,
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 for their mobile and telephones
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
 a decade of time.
Overall
Linking Words
, in
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
,
telephone
Use synonyms
 subscriptions showed a stable graph throughout the years. In
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of mobile phones, India and
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 demonstrated a significant rise.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the users in India presented a plateau for
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 3 years and slowly increased
upto
Use the right word
up to
show examples
 80 in 2014
as well as
Linking Words
 in 2015.
Also
Linking Words
, the utilizers in
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 started with about 40 subscriptions and gradually escalated
tp
Use the right word
to
show examples
 170 in the year 2013,
then
Linking Words
diped
Correct your spelling
dipped
 in 2014 and remained the same
at the end
Linking Words
. Eritrea remained
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
the least subscribed country among the four in both
smart phone
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smartphones
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
telephone
Fix the agreement mistake
telephones
show examples
, having a similar trend.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the Uk
show examples
Uk
Use the right word
UK
show examples
contibuted
Correct your spelling
contributed
 to the fixed
telephone
Use synonyms
 with the highest number
ranging
Punctuation problem
, ranging
show examples
 between 50 - 60
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with slight fluctuation from 2005 to 2015. The mobile users in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and the
telephone
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 users in
Uruguay
Use synonyms
 showed in mid-range
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 remained stable all over the years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words uruguay, telephone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subscriptions
  • mobile phone
  • fixed phone
  • increase
  • significant
  • rise
  • stable
  • pronounced
  • contrast
  • decline
  • steadily
  • highest
  • gradual
  • dramatic
  • usage
  • general
  • surpass
  • end of the period
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