IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Government should spend more money on railways rather than roads to what extent do you agree or disagree

These days, there are a lot of facilities in different countries. One of the essential ones is public transportation. It is said that governments should allocate more money to railways
instead
Linking Words
 of other ways. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement to a large extent, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have had various preferences in their lives recently, especially for transportation.
For example
Linking Words
, they would rather travel with different types of transport machines. All the vehicles have their own demands.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is really critical to be equipped with new technology to provide convenience for
people
Use synonyms
 of all levels of society.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 can experience secure trips during their holidays.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 might work in different locations and distances.
Hence
Linking Words
, they need to use other ways for daily commuting.
Consequently
Linking Words
, investing in other ways can help them to have high-quality lives.
Secondly
Linking Words
, roads and highways have been one of the purposes of passengers because they would like to observe natural spaces during their trips.
Therefore
Linking Words
, strong infrastructures can reduce accidents.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the casualty rate will decline.
Likewise
Linking Words
,
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 must have great conditions because nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 live in a fast world. They prefer to use the least time for movement, and improving the
airplanes’
Change the spelling
aeroplanes’
show examples
 technology can prevent plane crashes. Trains can transfer a huge population, and their desirable prices might persuade
people
Use synonyms
 to use them more. But there are some records which show that all public transportations have dramatic roles in
public’s
Correct article usage
the public’s
show examples
 mobility around the world. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 providing better conditions for railways is important, the government should devote enough money to other transport systems as well to provide enjoyable and safe trips for all
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it to the end. In this essay your start is a bit soft.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one clear point. Start with a simple sentence that states the point, then add a short reason or example.
cohesion
Use easy linking words to show how ideas fit, such as 'also', 'but', 'so'. Make the flow from one idea to the next.
stance
You show a clear view that money should not go only to railways; other transport must be funded too.
organization
You use step words like 'Firstly' and 'Secondly' to map ideas.
readability
The writing is easy to read and simple in style.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sustainability
  • environmental footprint
  • efficiency
  • pollution
  • cost-effectiveness
  • economic development
  • accessibility
  • public transportation
  • congestion
  • air pollution
  • initial investment
  • maintenance
  • upgrades
  • rural
  • urban
  • last-mile connectivity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: