‏In many countries the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How Can we deal with those Cause?

Crime
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is an action that has negative consequences on the economy. Lately, some countries
has
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have
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been experiencing an increase in the
crime
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rate
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. I strongly believe that it is because of unemployment issues , bad
schools
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and bad peer
pressure
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in the economy. There are several reasons why
a
Correct article usage
the
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crime
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rate
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will increase in
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country
Correct article usage
a country
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. One of the major reasons is the lack of money and unemployment. The lack of money and
employment
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opportunities
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can push
people
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to commit a
crime
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.
For example
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;
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,
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when a person
receive
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receives
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little pay or does not have a job
they
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, they
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might commit a
crime
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such
Linking Words
as stealing in order to survive.
This
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shows how
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crime
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the crime
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rate
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is increasing in some countries. To address
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this
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this,
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the government should adopt policies that
ensures
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ensure
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that
people
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are paid properly and create more
employment
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opportunities
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. Another major reason is the establishment of bad
schools
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in the
country
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. Children learning negative attitudes and behaviours from their
schools
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or homes might
make
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lead
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them to commit a
crime
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.
For instance
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: if
child
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a child
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sees his parents stealing from a bank, he might start stealing because he has seen his parents doing
it
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it,
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thereby increasing the
crime
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rate
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in the
country
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.
Similarly
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, if a teacher continues to encourage a student to cheat in an exam rather than correct him or her. It will enable them to commit worse crimes in the future. To prevent
this
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issue, the government should ensure that the
school
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schools
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established have a good moral understanding
about
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of
show examples
the principles and values of the
country
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.
Additionally
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, the pull of bad friends, alcohol and
bad
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a bad
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area can push a person to commit a
crime
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.
For example
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, a person is hanging out with a gang of thieves
,
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.
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Due to
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the
pressure
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from them or longing to be like them, the individual will want to commit a
crime
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. The best way to prevent
this
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,
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apply
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is to set up programs and workshops that
teaches
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teach
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people
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about the principles and values of the
country
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, what is good and bad, and the effect
bad
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of bad
show examples
peers
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peer
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pressure
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on their lives. In conclusion, I strongly believe the lack of money,
employment
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opportunities
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, bad
schools
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, and bad peer
pressure
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are the main causes of the increase
of
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in
show examples
the
crime
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rate
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in the
country
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.
However
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, with the right solutions
such
Linking Words
as adopting
of
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apply
show examples
policies to ensure
people
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are paid fairly , creation of
employment
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opportunities
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, establishment of better
schools
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and workshops to promote mental health, I believe that the
crime
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rate
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the
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in the
show examples
country
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will be reduced drastically

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language
Use short, clear sentences. Check for grammar mistakes like subject-verb and tense.
structure
Have a strong start. In the intro, name the three causes and say you will talk about them and how to fix them.
coherence
Each paragraph should start with a clear idea. Keep ideas in a logical order.
examples
Give real and specific examples for each cause and explain how the fix will help.
structure
End with a short conclusion that restates the causes and the fixes.
content
The essay lists main causes clearly: money, schools, and peer pressure.
structure
It gives some good ideas for fixes like more jobs and better schools.
coherence
There is some use of linking words like 'Additionally' and 'For example'.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crime
  • cause
  • reason
  • rise
  • increase
  • money
  • job
  • work
  • pay
  • poor
  • low income
  • area
  • neighborhood
  • school
  • home
  • family
  • friends
  • learn
  • study
  • police
  • law
  • plan
  • fix
  • solve
  • program
  • help
  • support
  • community
  • young
  • people
  • sport
  • art
  • chance
  • future
  • hope
  • idea
  • time
  • together
  • city
  • prevent
  • safe
  • better
  • change
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