IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

It is true that our climate is changing rapidly
due to
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 various reasons
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as pollution, resulting in
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 and endangerment of many animals.
Significants
Use the right word
Significant
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 steps could be taken by the government in order to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
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, the pollution
cased
Use the right word
caused
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 by numerous human activities like deforestation and
industrilization
Correct your spelling
industrialisation
 is resulting in
an
Correct article usage
apply
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unpredictable weather changes,
along with
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 other problems
such
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 as soil erosion by
releaing
Correct your spelling
releasing
 greenhouse gases , and toxic chemicals.
Due to
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 these factors, the flora growing in those regions is getting affected,
further
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 affecting the local fauna, as it creates a disruption in
food
Correct article usage
the food
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 chain.
Consequently
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,
affecting
Wrong verb form
it affects
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 all tropic levels.
Thus
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, resulting in the extinction of the
spieces
Correct your spelling
species
 with less food
avalibility
Correct your spelling
availability
 and
adoptability
Use the right word
adaptability
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.
Furthermore
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, several measures can be implemented by the authorities in order to mitigate
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 problems. To start with, banning
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deforestation. Not cutting those trees will prevent soil erosion
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with providing
abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
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 of food
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and shelter for the animals
depending
Wrong verb form
that depend
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 on those trees, significantly increasing their survival chances . To continue, the government can
also
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 promote
eco friendly
Use the right word
eco-friendly
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 industries by giving them tax credits or monetary benefits.
As a result
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, the industries will be encouraged to utilise
eco friendly
Use the right word
eco-friendly
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 material, which will not release toxic
chemical
Fix the agreement mistake
chemicals
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 in the environment.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the wildlife living in that area will not be compromised.
For example
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, after replantation of a forest in 2010,in
Jaipur
Add a comma
Jaipur,
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 many rare creatures repopulated the forest again.
To conclude
Linking Words
, many animals are paying the price of human interference in their natural habitat with their lives
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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 order
solve
Verb problem
to solve
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this
Linking Words
problem
Punctuation problem
problem,
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 the government should advocate
environmental
Replace the word
environmentally
show examples
 friendly production units and impose a strict ban on cutting trees.

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Task response
The task asks for a view on causes and a plan to solve the problem. Make your main idea clear in each para and back it with facts or small ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Link your ideas with small, easy connect words. Start with a plan in each paragraph and end with what you want to show.
content
The essay gives a clear plan for action by the government (ban on deforestation, eco-friendly steps).
example
An example from Jaipur shows how forest regrowth can happen.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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