IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. some people regard this as a completely wrong. while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learnig and taking responsiblity. what are your opinion.

In several
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are more connected to particular paid
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. It is argued that some people believe these phenomena are common,
while
Linking Words
 others consider
Linking Words
this is
Verb problem
it
show examples
 inappropriate for youth. I believe
children
Use synonyms
 have to complete their major
education
Use synonyms
 rather than
attached
Verb problem
be attached
show examples
 to
child
Use synonyms
 labour at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 mandatory for a
child
Use synonyms
 to
accomplished
Verb problem
complete their
show examples
 main
education
Use synonyms
 at
early
Correct article usage
an early
show examples
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
.
Education
Use synonyms
 is important for them because it can assist them
to establish
Change preposition
in establishing
show examples
critical-thinking
Use the right word
critical thinking
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, social, and cultural life for their futures.
For example
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 should obtain proper lessons
such
Linking Words
 as
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
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, biology, science to develop their knowledge, and some
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 lessons to improve their physical health.
Hence
Linking Words
, when
become
Correct pronoun usage
they become
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 adults, they
able
Verb problem
are able
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 to solve major problems as
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
high
Replace the word
highly
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 skilled
labours
Use the right word
labourers
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 will gain
more
Correct word choice
higher
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salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
rather
Rephrase
apply
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than unskilled
labour
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
child-labour
Use the right word
child labour
show examples
 has many disadvantages for
children
Use synonyms
 and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
.
If
Use the right word
Child labourers
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child
Use synonyms
-labour are vulnerable
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 work
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
 because they lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cognitive
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and socio-cultural
education
Use synonyms
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, recently in Indonesia
–
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 a building accident occurred in
east java
Fix capitalization
East Java
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 because the contractor
hires
Wrong verb form
hired
show examples
 unskilled
children
Use synonyms
 to construct the building. Local authority reported, the reason why
contractor
Fix the agreement mistake
contractors
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 hire
youth-labour
Use the right word
youth labour
show examples
 is
because
Change preposition
that
show examples
 they can save more money.
Although
Linking Words
 the criminal will gain punishment,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 will lose
people
Check wording
people's
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 trust because they neglected these phenomena. In conclusion,
early aged
Correct word choice
young
show examples
child
Use synonyms
 should obtain mandatory
education
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 elevate their physical and emotional skills. In order to reduce and mitigate these dangerous activities,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should build specific
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 to protect
children
Use synonyms
 from
child
Use synonyms
 labour, and punish the
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
.

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Task Response
Your view is clear but you do not show both sides well. Add more on what others think and give real facts to back your view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the plan clear. Each paragraph should be one idea. Use easy link words like 'also' 'but' and 'so' to join ideas.
Grammar
Watch word use and form. Use short, clean sentences. Fix errors like 'accomplished' and 'youth-labour' and cap.
Strength
Your view is clear from the start.
Strength
You give an example from life, which helps
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work
  • time
  • people
  • good
  • not
  • can
  • will
  • my
  • this
  • that
  • these
  • use
  • there
  • their
  • what
  • so
  • up
  • about
  • who
  • get
  • which
  • go
  • me
  • when
  • make
  • like
  • year
  • day
  • us
  • first
  • well
  • way
  • think
  • also
  • back
  • after
  • two
  • our
  • now
  • see
  • other
  • than
  • then
  • look
  • come
  • its
  • over
  • use
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