IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some peoples say that it is right to use animals for our benefit,other say it is not good to exploit them. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

There is a debate it is right to
use
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animals
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. Some individuals think that we can
use
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animals
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 for our benefit,
while
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 others say it is not right to utilise them.
While
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 I think
this
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 is a positive, other factors should
also
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 be taken into account. One main reason for it is right to putting
animals
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 to work makes it easier and less dangerous.
In other words
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, people
use
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animals
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 in different ways with only the wish of making their work easier.
For instance
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, farmers
use
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 donkeys and horses for carrying heavy things, scientists
put
Verb problem
use
show examples
 rabbits and mice
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
research for
Correct word order
for research
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creating
Wrong verb form
to create
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 new
medicine
Fix the agreement mistake
medicines
show examples
, and others take advantage of them.
As a result
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,
animals
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 make our work faster, easier and safer. If it were not, we would
use
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 technological tools
instead
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 of
animals
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, or scientists would put human life at risk for research.
However
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, another idea against
this
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 is exploitation.
That is
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 to say,
while
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 people
use
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animals
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 in various ways, they might put their lives in danger.
Also
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, we are wasting
animals
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' lives for our benefit.
For example
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, some people
use
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animals
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such
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 as horses and cows in many ways,
then
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 just slaughter them by themself or butcher.
Thus
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, putting mice or rabbits in research might end their life. If it were not,
animals
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 would have lived independently, and they would have simply died on their own. In conclusion,
while
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 exploiting
animals
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' lives for our benefit offers safety and makes our jobs easier, it comes with its drawbacks of risking their life in danger.
Therefore
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, striking an intricate balance between the two is crucial to take advantage of each simultaneously.

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structure
Use a clear opening that states what you think in one line.
structure
Add a short end line that sums your view.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'but', 'also', 'however' to show points connect.
content
Be more exact when you give an example so it shows your point clearly.
grammar
Check form of verbs and plural in a sentence so the meaning is clear.
lexical resource
Choose smaller phrases and common words to express your idea.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides and gives your view.
examples
You give real examples such as farmers and scientists.
structure
The text has a general idea that there should be balance.
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