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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growing trend of 'digital nomads' working remotely from various countries is becoming increasingly common. Do the advantages of this lifestyle outweigh the disadvantages for both individuals and the global economy?

In today's modernised world, it is common to
work
Use synonyms
 remotely from different nations, thanks to technological progress.
While
Linking Words
 there is an ongoing debate about whether advantages
outweigt
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 drawbacks for people, I personally believe that
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
 of
this
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 action
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 much more than
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
show examples
. On the one hand, nowadays technological improvements lead
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of individuals to
work
Use synonyms
 online easily, whenever and wherever they want.
Firstly
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, the advantage of
this
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 progress is flexible working hours, as people can manage their time and devote it to balance their
work
Use synonyms
 and personal life more evenly. Moving
further
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, they might have
freedom
Correct article usage
the freedom
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 on more than one job
for gaining
Change preposition
to gain
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 more financial benefit and experience
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also
Punctuation problem
, also
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, via
this
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opportunity
Punctuation problem
opportunity,
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 they contribute
economic
Change preposition
to economic
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 growth.
For instance
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, a new postgraduate student can choose two different job opportunities to enhance
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 CV
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 working remotely through applying to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international and
indigenius
Correct your spelling
indigenous
 companies.
On the other hand
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, working online has its drawbacks
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals and
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 perspectives.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 it is appealing to pick working hours yourself, it requires self-perception and
dicipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
 to control.
In addition
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, sitting in front of
table
Correct article usage
a table
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 all day alone
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 may lead sedentary lifestyle, which
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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 health problems
such
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 as obesity.
According to
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 the research from Bahcesehir University, obesity percentages increased
5
Change preposition
by 5
show examples
%
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
due to
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inactive
Correct article usage
the inactive
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 lifestyle of remote co-workers within 3 years. In conclusion, despite the fact that
increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
show examples
 number of people
joining
Verb problem
are joining
show examples
 to ''online nomads'' trend, I assert that the disadvantages
excel
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages, as health issues may create more problems
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 both
individuals
Check wording
individuals'
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and
countries
Check wording
the country's
show examples
 economy.

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coherence
Your essay uses a clear pattern with intro, body, and conclusion. But ideas are not fully built; add more detail to each point.
task response
State your view clearly in the introduction and restate it in the end. This helps the reader see your main idea.
task response
Give more proof or facts for your points. Short facts or numbers show the idea well.
language use
Some sentences have spelling and form mistakes. Check spell and grammar to be clear.
structure
You keep a simple and easy to read form.
content
You give some examples of job work and study to show ideas.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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