IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should strictly control the supply of fresh water, while others say we can use as much water as we want. Consider both these viewpoints and provide your own perspective. Explain your viewpoint with reasons and include appropriate examples based on your knowledge or experiences.

The question of whether the government should strictly control the supply of fresh
water
Use synonyms
 or
we
Correct word choice
whether we
show examples
 can
use
Use synonyms
 as much
water
Use synonyms
 as we want has been extensively debated.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both viewpoints of
this
Linking Words
 suggestion, and I will conclude with my own perspective.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
controlled
Correct article usage
a controlled
show examples
 fresh
water
Use synonyms
 supply can manage the quality of the
water
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, preventing low-quality
water
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to
Change preposition
from
show examples
join
Verb problem
entering
show examples
 the market. Without
controlling
Replace the word
control
show examples
, bad quality
water
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 might be used in daily life,
such
Linking Words
 as drinking, cooking and bathing.
This
Linking Words
 will not only affect our health but
also
Linking Words
 the environment around us.
In addition
Linking Words
, when the fresh
water
Use synonyms
 supply is controlled, the government can ensure the consistency of the outcome and
making
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 sure that the
water
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 is evenly distributed all over
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 country. Without the consistency, some remote
areas
Use synonyms
 will not have the chance to
use
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 fresh
water
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, affecting their health.
Moreover
Linking Words
, since the supply is limited, the
people
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 in both urban and suburban
areas
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 will have to learn to control the
use
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 the
water
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,
therefore
Linking Words
 preventing the
water
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to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 wasted.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
non-controlled
Correct article usage
a non-controlled
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 supply
present
Correct subject-verb agreement
presents
show examples
 certain benefits. We can clearly see that
people
Use synonyms
 can
use
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 without the idea of
water
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 shortages.
This
Linking Words
 will massively boost the efficiency of agriculture and industrial
areas
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, because they do not have to pay for
water
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 to
use
Use synonyms
 it,
therefore
Linking Words
 it can boost the
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 status of the country. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 controlled fresh
water
Use synonyms
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 several benefits,
such
Linking Words
ensuring
Change preposition
as ensuring
show examples
 the quality of
water
Use synonyms
, maintaining the
distributing
Replace the word
distribution
show examples
 consistency, and preventing
water
Use synonyms
 loss
due to
Linking Words
people
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 wasting it, freely used
water
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also
Linking Words
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 some advantages. It can
make sure
Verb problem
ensure
show examples
 that everyone will have
waters
Fix the agreement mistake
water
show examples
 to
use
Use synonyms
 and can boost the productivity of agriculture and industrial
areas
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that controlled fresh
water
Use synonyms
 supply advantages can outweigh the freely used
water
Use synonyms
 benefits.

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grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form to fix mistakes and make writing clear. Use short, simple sentences to avoid run-ons.
examples
Add more specific examples to back up your points, such as case studies or known events about water supply.
coherence
Improve linking words to show how one idea leads to the next. Use words like first, next, also, however, therefore.
lexical
Check word choice; pick accurate terms like 'supply', 'distribution', 'consumption' and avoid vague phrases.
task response
Try to present a clear stance in the final paragraph and keep your position consistent throughout the essay.
structure
There is a clear view on both sides and a final position.
coherence
The essay uses a logical split into two viewpoints before the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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