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Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below illustrate the percentage of time that male and female students spend on five different types of websites.

The charts below illustrate the percentage of time that male and female students spend on five different types of websites.
The pie charts compare the proportion of
time
Use synonyms
 that men and women spend on five distinct kinds of websites.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
students
Use synonyms
 from both genders share the
percentage
Correct word choice
same percentage
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using news.
By contrast
Linking Words
, female
students
Use synonyms
 spend most of their
time
Use synonyms
on study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 male
students
Use synonyms
 spend on
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
. As the charts display,
females
Fix the agreement mistake
female
show examples
students
Use synonyms
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 mostly study apps with nearly half of the
overall
Linking Words
 share,
while
Linking Words
 the other group use those websites with just 30%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
males
Fix the agreement mistake
male
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 are using mostly
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 websites
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 35%
when
Correct word choice
while
show examples
 women
just
Verb problem
spend just
show examples
 10% of their
time
Use synonyms
.
Thereafter
Linking Words
, the amount of
time
Use synonyms
spend
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 on news for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
rate
Check wording
apply
show examples
is 15%
while
Linking Words
 for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 20%. There is a clear difference between genders in shopping proportion
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 women accounted for 20%
while
Linking Words
 men were recorded with just 5%.
Afterward
Change the spelling
Afterwards
show examples
, both genders share the same amount of
time
Use synonyms
 on other apps
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 10%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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