IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some children spend hours every day оп their smartphones. Why is this the case? What do you think this is а positive or а negative development?

Recently, with the development of
Use synonyms
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
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plays
Wrong verb form
it has played
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 an essential role in our lives. Even
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
people
Use synonyms
addicted
Verb problem
are addicted
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with
Change preposition
to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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smartphones
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think it doesn't matter
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 others argue. From my perspective,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 have
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 opinion. First of all, the
technology
Use synonyms
 and the improvements now
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 very significant. The students
take
Verb problem
apply
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benefit from AI and
Correct pronoun usage
it help
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them
on
Change preposition
with
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homework's
Check wording
homework
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.
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
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 addition, help them
with
Change preposition
to
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 explain and give them good ideas.
For instance
Linking Words
, I really find the AI very useful.
In addition
Linking Words
,
smartphones
Use synonyms
 and
technology
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 aid us
to contact
Change preposition
in contacting
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with
Change preposition
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 and learn from
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and
know
Wrong verb form
knowing
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 about new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, we can make good relationships
from
Change preposition
with
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 our
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 we can find entertainment on it. The kids can watch courses online. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
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 hand, the children should
Verb problem
have thier
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thier
Correct your spelling
their
 parents look after them and what they watch.If
technology
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 wastes our
time
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, it's even worse for young children.
Also
Linking Words
, it will impact
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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on
Change preposition
apply
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their studies
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 communicate with others.
For example
Linking Words
, ate first when I were
to
Change preposition
at
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 university, I
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggled
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 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
 management. So
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 prefer, the old
people
Use synonyms
 should put
timer
Correct article usage
a timer
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to
Change preposition
on
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there
Use the right word
their
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 children and make sure they spend the
exac
Correct your spelling
exact
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 without
any
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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adding on the
scree
Use the right word
screen
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. All in all, the parents should take care of their kids. Even though there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 benefits of the
Use synonyms
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
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 it
also
Linking Words
 has disadvantages.
The screen
Correct determiner usage
Screen
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time
Use synonyms
very
Verb problem
is very
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 important and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 us how many hours we
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 on our
smartphones
Use synonyms
. If we spend all the
time
Use synonyms
front
Change preposition
in front
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our
Change preposition
of our
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 screens, we should take care of ourselves.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write. State your view in the first part and restate it in the end.
coherence
Use clear ties to join ideas. Words like 'also', 'but', 'for example' help.
examples
Give exact examples about how phone use can be good or bad for kids.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use simple sentence and correct 'their' 'there' and 'it's'.
organization
Write 3 parts: intro, 2 or 3 body parts, conclusion.
idea
The essay tries to talk about both sides of the issue.
structure
There is a closing line 'All in all' to sum up.
content
Some points on time use and control are shown.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: