IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on TV in order to reduce the amount of violent crimes in the society. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
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 firmly believe that countries should control explicit
content
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 in films. I
suppport
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support
 that
censuring
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censoring
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 some
contents
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content
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 that may have a bad repercussion
in
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on
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 some
people
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 who could feel empowered to commit a crime after seeing it on the screen. So I agree with the importance of controling the
content
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that is
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 published,
firstly
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 because of how It can encourage
people
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 into commiting a crime or even developing mental illnes because of the insensibilization that watching violent
content
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 may cause in some
people
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,
furthermore
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 recent studies shows that a lot of psychopaths use
this
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 type of forbidden
content
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 to satisfy their impulses and in some cases it coulf even use them as an example nor as an idea.
Secondly
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, personally for me, it should be illegal to show certain images, even if it is acted,
for example
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 here in Europe you can´t show murders that includes kids in it even if it isn´t real,
furthermore
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, for me, it shouldn´t exist porn videos that shows violations or any type of abuse, since some malicious
people
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 find pleasure in watching that images and we shouldn´t be letting them enjoy criminal activities,
while
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 some companies use it as a way to make more money. In conclusion, I firmly agree that all
goverments
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governments
 should control the documents that can be seen by
the
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apply
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society,
Yet
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apply
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not only
due to
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 the possibility of increasing crime in the world, but
because
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also because
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 some
people
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 may find joy in things that shouldn´t be visible
for
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to
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 anyone.

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task response
Be clear in your answer. State if you agree or disagree at the start and keep it simple.
coherence
Build your points with short, clear sentences. Use one idea per sentence and link ideas with simple connect words like and, but, then.
content
Use examples that relate to the point. Explain how the example shows your view.
grammar
Check spelling and grammar. Use base form and simple words.
structure
Make a short ending that restates your view.
stance
Clear opinion on censorship is stated.
organization
Good use of signposts like First, Second, In conclusion.
content
Attempts to argue with reasons on harm and protection.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Regulate
  • Desensitization
  • Censorship
  • Impressionable
  • Exposure
  • Violent behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Preventive measures
  • Artistic freedom
  • Vulnerable
  • Ethical concerns
  • Monitoring
  • Influence
  • Content control
  • Crime reduction
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