IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, the number of police officers in active service is decreasing. What do you think may be the reason for this? What effects might have on society?

it
Fix capitalization
It
show examples
 is becoming increasingly common to see many
officers
Use synonyms
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
 and leave. In my view, there are some reasons for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. The first reason is
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 of being
police
Use synonyms
 officer is low. In some developing countries,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 are paid
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the minimum wage. They can only
life
Replace the word
live
show examples
 on the moderate way. As they build a family,
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
 cannot cover their needs. By knowing
this
Linking Words
 amount of
salary
Use synonyms
, many
people
Use synonyms
 do not want to become
cop
Correct article usage
a cop
show examples
. So, when the senior
cops
Use synonyms
get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
retired
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
, it is so hard to find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
replacment
Correct your spelling
replacement
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
 the service. The second reason is the actual risk. Many
people
Use synonyms
 registered as
cops
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct word choice
but they
show examples
 did not
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 the
whole
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
risks
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 take.
Thus
Linking Words
, they only want to be seen as cool
police
Use synonyms
 with the uniform and
gun
Correct article usage
a gun
show examples
. As they do the actual job, it damages their mental health.
For example
Linking Words
,
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 need to rescue some students that being kidnapped, but somehow their friends are being
shotted
Verb problem
shot
show examples
 and
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 experience affects their mental and
behaviour
Replace the word
behavioural
show examples
. They are being traumatised
seeing
Change preposition
by seeing
show examples
gun
Correct article usage
a gun
show examples
 or
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
 that can remind them of the tragedy.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
cops
Use synonyms
 give up on their jobs as they cannot take the damage anymore. The third reason is the schedule. Being
Use synonyms
police
Correct article usage
a police
show examples
officers
Use synonyms
 mean
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 to do patrolling, investigating and maintaining the public order. By having these job desks,
cops
Use synonyms
cannot
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 have more time for themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are burning out. It makes them easily
being
Verb problem
apply
show examples
stress
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
. In order to maintain
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
Replace the word
balanced
show examples
 work life,
cops
Use synonyms
 give up on their jobs and try to find
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other
carriers
Use the right word
careers
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the phenomenon of
decreasing
Replace the word
a decrease
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
police
Use synonyms
officers
Use synonyms
 in active service affects
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. It will make the number of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 increase. Many
people
Use synonyms
 will feel unsafe
to go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 everywhere.
This
Linking Words
 feeling
also
Linking Words
 affects the
econonomy
Correct your spelling
economy
 as many
store
Fix the agreement mistake
stores
show examples
 will get robbed, and
people
Use synonyms
 are afraid to visit some
recretional
Correct your spelling
recreational
 places. In conclusion, the number of
cops
Use synonyms
 in service is
getting decreased
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
 because
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
salary
Use synonyms
, actual risks and schedule. It is better for the government to consider these reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cops
Use synonyms
leaving
Punctuation problem
leaving,
show examples
 as
this
Linking Words
 tragedy will impact
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.

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task response
Your essay has a clear idea but you need more detail for each point and a clear view shown at the start and kept to the end.
coherence
Use more link words to show how ideas go together, for example first, also, but, so, as a result.
coherence
Each main point needs more proof. Give a short real life example or a small fact to back it up.
coherence
The intro and conclusion need more strength. Say what you think in the opening and restate it in the last section.
language
Fix spelling and use short simple sentences. A clear and easy read is best.
structure
The essay keeps to the topic and lists ideas in order.
content
There is a view on how the issue may affect society.
content
The writer tries to show three main reasons.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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