Competitiveness among high school children should be encouraged. Do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that sometimes competitions lead to conflicts among participants.
While
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some contend that
competitiveness
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should be encouraged among children, there is an opposing argument. In my opinion, I agree with the first notion.
To begin
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with, I should highlight that I will be focusing on mentioning the very positive side of healthy competitions, as they have lots of benefits and should be encouraged to
implement
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be implemented
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in schools.
Competitiveness
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among children can significantly improve their
overall
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performance.
In other words
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, when children compete with others, they are more likely to work so hard to do the best they can, whether to obtain awards or just for the sake of enjoyment. Many studies have shown that
students
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actually enjoy a lot when competing with each other
and
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, and
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this
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improves their performance rapidly. Another point to consider about
competitiveness
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and why it should be supported in schools is that it enhances many essential skills. It is possible to say that qualities,
such
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as cooperation, responsibility, and time
management
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management,
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are easy to gain in competitive environments. It is worth noting that
such
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skills are not easy to achieve when
students
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learn them theoretically during classes;
however
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, competitive environments provide them the proper place to practise
such
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skills effectively in
real-life
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real life
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.
For example
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, competitions about soccer offer
students
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the chance to collaborate, set goals, and allocate time for practising together, all of which are extremely helpful to learn and would be beneficial for their personal and professional
life
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lives
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. In conclusion, I believe that
competitiveness
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ought to be encouraged among high school pupils, as it brings numerous advantages to
students
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.

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improvement
Be more direct to the task. State your view in the first or second line and stay with that view in all body parts.
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Add clearer links between ideas. Use and, but, so, also to guide the reader.
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Give stronger and more varied examples. One example about sport is good; add one more from school life or study.
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Shorter, simpler sentences. Break long ideas into small parts for easy read.
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End with a short restate of your view and a brief summary of main points.
strength
Clear view on the topic.
strength
Good structure with intro, body and conclusion.
strength
Examples are used to show points.
strength
Use of linking words like To begin with and In conclusion.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
What to do next:
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