The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, the mobile
phone
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is a necessary tool for
children
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because of the dangers and complexities. I firmly agree that the cellphone is a necessity for
children
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, it offers the convenience that
parents
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can contact them any time and authorities can track
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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position
of
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apply
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them
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apply
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if in urgent circumstances. The mobile
phone
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is not only a facility for entertainment, but
also
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allows
parents
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to keep in touch with their
children
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.
For instance
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, youngsters can report everything that has happened immediately to their relatives. If they are in danger, the cell
phone
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plays a vital role
for
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in
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protecting them.
Moreover
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, government sectors or police have
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the rights
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rights
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right
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to track the IP address. It will be
more easily
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easier
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to get the accurate position or obtain the information about any problems, if
children
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have their own portable
phone
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initially
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.
However
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, the technology offers a safe
life
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and
Correct article usage
a significant
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significant
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significantly
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convenient tool for the public. It is inevitable that the public’s private
life
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will be relatively easily
expose
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exposed
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on the internet by mobile
phone
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.
For example
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, tracking someone’s position or IP address will potentially threaten
Correct article usage
an individuals
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individuals
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individual's
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freedom and privacy.
Therefore
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, providing
children
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the cellphones is useful to prevent them from
unexpectable
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unexpected
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issues.
Parents
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need to be regulated by laws when they monitor
children
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’s
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life
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lives
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,
while
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some functions are only allowed to
utilize
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be utilised
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by authorities. In conclusion,
although
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offering
children
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the
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apply
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mobile phones might expose their private
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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, protecting them is
the
Correct article usage
a
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significant
thing
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responsibility
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of
parents
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.
As a result
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, I believe that it is an absolute necessity for
children
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to have
the
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apply
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mobile phones in
this
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danger
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dangerous
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and complicated modern world.

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Task response
Make your view clear and strong, and show how your ideas fit the question.
Task response
Add a counter-idea and explain why your view stays strong.
Grammar
Use short, simple sentences and avoid very long phrases.
Grammar
Check spelling and word use (exposed, unexpected, mobile phone) and fix grammar errors.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas so the text flows.
Strength
The writer shows a clear view on the topic.
Strength
There is a proper structure with intro, body, and conclusion.
Strength
Some good examples are used to back ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • absolute necessity
  • emergencies
  • GPS features
  • educational apps
  • online resources
  • social connectivity
  • social skills
  • tech-centric world
  • proficient
  • cyberbullying
  • inappropriate content
  • screen addiction
  • adverse effects
  • mental health
  • parental control apps
  • monitor
  • activities
  • distraction
  • academic performance
  • health concerns
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • sleep disturbances
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