IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There is a debate among many individuals that museums and art galleries should present the nation’s art, as opposed to artworks from other countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the issue of museums and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
''
Check wording
'
show examples
 content has garnered considerable debate.
While
Linking Words
 certain individuals assert that these artistic presentations should strictly show the nation's
art
Use synonyms
, others are persuaded that artworks from foreign countries deserve their recognition, too. Personally,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 can't
decided
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 whether to agree
nor
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
or disagree with these
opposed
Correct word choice
opposing
show examples
 opinions. The supporters of bringing foreign
art
Use synonyms
 styles often argued that it helps
improving
Verb problem
apply
show examples
improve a country's intellectual level of
world- wide
Use the right word
world-wide
show examples
 legacies. Almost every
countries
Check wording
apply
show examples
country looks up to others' traditions and cuisines, and bringing those
stuff
Check wording
apply
show examples
things into their environment certainly spices up their lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
, there
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been a whole lot of foreign
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
 popping up recently, which exemplifies how exciting new international
informations
Correct your spelling
information
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
is.
In contrast
Linking Words
, proponents of exclusively presenting the nation's
art
Use synonyms
 in museums argued that it is the way to
conserves
Wrong verb form
conserve
show examples
 traditions. With the rapid growth of technology, local traditions and customs have lost their place among youth. By
introduce
Verb problem
apply
show examples
introducing them to
nation's
Correct article usage
the nation's
show examples
 artworks, it
ensure
Correct subject-verb agreement
ensures
show examples
sustainability
Correct article usage
the sustainability
show examples
 of a country's uniqueness. A pertinent example lies in Dinh Doc Lap, which is a historical place in Vietnam, has been a familiar place for students of all
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 because of its exhilarating and informative history lessons.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 interpretation appears more tenable when one considers
ethical
Correct article usage
the ethical
show examples
 aspects of the story. A person should know extensively about where they were born and raised before exploring nearby nations.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 opinion tends to command greater credibility from both a rational and moral standpoint.
To conclude
Linking Words
, both arguments present noteworthy insights into the content of museums and
art
Use synonyms
galleries
Use synonyms
.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, it occurs to me that these
art
Use synonyms
 styles shouldn't be strictly exclusive,
rather
Correct word choice
but rather
show examples
than having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 distinct
galleries
Use synonyms
 for each style.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Be clear with your view. In the first part, say if you agree or not, and keep that view in all the rest. Then end with a short line that restates your view.
structure
Each paragraph should have one main idea that links to the question. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add a reason or example.
content
Give strong, clear points for both sides. Then add at least one related example that fits the point.
coherence
Use simple linking words to move from one idea to the next, like also, however, for example, and in addition.
language
Check spelling and grammar. Fix repeated words and bad word forms so the text is easy to read.
style
Keep a formal tone and avoid too many small mistakes that can distract the reader.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the topic.
structure
There is a clear plan with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: