IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

‏Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Increasing the price of sugary products could lead to a decrease in consumption, thereby reducing the prevalence of health issues
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
This
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 is primarily because raising the cost of non-essential food items serves as a powerful deterrent, forcing
consumers
Punctuation problem
consumers,
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 particularly those with limited
income
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income,
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 to reconsider their purchases. They are highly motivated to switch to cheaper,
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
 alternatives.
Otherwise
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, we'll be
the
Correct article usage
a
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 society with
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
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 number of people with diseases
whi
Correct your spelling
who
ch
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Ch
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 is hard to recover
and
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from and
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 it has hurt most of
organs
Correct article usage
the organs
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 in our body.
For instance
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, following the introduction of a 10% tax on soft drinks in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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, studies recorded an immediate drop in sales of sugary beverages, leading to a
mesureable
Correct your spelling
measurable
 decline in average
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
 intake.
This
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 concrete evidence demonstrates the direct, immediate impact a price increase can have on public eating habits.
However
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, opponents often argue that increasing the cost of sugary items is socially unfair. Focusing on their budget and how taxing basic foods affects them most.
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for
Fix capitalization
For
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 example, the families with
reliant
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rely
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 on cheap, sugary snacks may cut costs
elswhere
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elsewhere
, like fresh
pruduce
Correct your spelling
produce
, rather than changing their diet.
Furthermore
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, they will find a way to satisfy their interest
for
Change preposition
in
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 having sugary stuff.
Therefore
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, it is better to keep the previous policy regarding consumption of sugary products and let people
to
Verb problem
apply
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choose their diet as they wish and their specific
teset
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taste
.
To sum up
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, it is a good idea to take action for having
Correct article usage
a healther
show examples
healther
Correct your spelling
healthier
 society and it deters consumption and provides health funding.

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content
Say your view clearly in the first line of the essay.
content
Add more points and explain them. Give more than one reason.
content
Give more clear examples. The UK tax idea is good but add more detail.
language
Fix spell and grammar. Spelling errors hide ideas.
cohesion
Use linking words to move from one idea to the next.
grammar
Keep the tense steady and use simple words. Avoid hard words.
content
There is a clear view in the essay.
evidence
One real example is used.
structure
The end restates the view.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • incentivize
  • reformulate
  • disproportionately
  • unintended consequences
  • dietary options
  • consumption habits
  • education and awareness campaigns
  • public health initiatives
  • nutritional education programs
  • reinvest
  • economic consequences
  • sugary products
  • manufacturers
  • healthier options
  • equitable approach
  • excessive sugar consumption
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