IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the development of one college campus from 1975 to 2002, and the projected building in 2020.

The diagram below shows the development of one college campus from 1975 to 2002, and the projected building in 2020.
The maps illustrate the transformation of one college between 1975 and 2002.
In addition
Linking Words
, the projected
modifying
Replace the word
modification
show examples
 in 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a school district,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
constructions
Fix the agreement mistake
construction
show examples
 of
theatre
Correct article usage
a theatre
show examples
,
science
Correct article usage
a science
show examples
 building, and
indoor
Correct article usage
an indoor
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 was introduced. In 1975, the school area
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
added many facilities
, the
Punctuation problem
. The
show examples
 most dramatic change was
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
Sports
Use synonyms
 field was replaced by
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 indoor
sports
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
, and the library was separated into two sides, making way for
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 IT
centre
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, the path was established to link the indoor
sports
Use synonyms
centre
Use synonyms
 and IT
centre
Use synonyms
, and
woodland
Correct article usage
the woodland
show examples
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
 closer
near
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 region. Looking more detailed at
this
Linking Words
 map, the car park was expanded in order to connect
lecture
Correct article usage
the lecture
show examples
 rooms. In 1975, the sidewalk was between the
sports
Use synonyms
 field and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the lecture rooms.
However
Linking Words
, during
this
Linking Words
 period, a science building was set up and
link
Wrong verb form
linked
show examples
 to the
sports
Use synonyms
 field. The music
centre
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged,
while
Linking Words
 the theatre was
covered
Verb problem
converted
show examples
 into a geology
centre
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sports, centre with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "maps" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: