IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people in poor countries die from diseases that are curable because they cannot afford the medication required. Do you believe that drug companies should make their products available at reduced prices in these countries? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Many
people
Use synonyms
 in underdeveloped countries suffer or even die from diseases that are actually not lethal, since they are not able to afford the medication required. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that drug establishments should offer their products at lower
prices
Use synonyms
 to these societies. I completely disagree with that belief, since death is a human being and natural
,
Check wording
phenomenon, also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who work hard to afford these medicines.
Firstly
Linking Words
, some individuals argue that everyone in the
world
Use synonyms
 should live healthy for longer years.
However
Linking Words
, the
world
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's resources are not enough for everyone. Particularly, there are water and food deficiencies all over the
world
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 as global warming grows. I believe that natural selection is a vital thing for protecting the balance of nature.
Therefore
Linking Words
, death and illnesses are features of the human being , and we should accept them.
For instance
Linking Words
, animals die because of food shortages and diseases, yet they have been living for thousands of years.
Likewise
Linking Words
, individuals always race with others to live
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they try to reach all of the era.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the sector of medicine is an essential and significant area for investors. Most investors would like to earn more and more money.
Thus
Linking Words
, reducing
prices
Use synonyms
 would cause declines in the investment,
then
Linking Words
 the employees would have to work more to
keep surviving
Wrong verb form
survive
show examples
, which they do not have to do.
For example
Linking Words
, reduced textile
prices
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 caused investors to stop funding that area in Turkey. After that, most manufacturers had to close their factories, and most citizens were unemployed.
To sum up
Linking Words
, cutting medication
prices
Use synonyms
 in poor countries would cause a domino effect all over the
world
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. Specifically, it may cause a lack of resources, economic problems and more
people
Use synonyms
 may be affected badly.

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task
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep it the same through the essay.
planning
Plan your ideas before you write. Use 3 strong points that fit the question.
content
Add real examples from life or news to show how prices can help or hurt poor people.
coherence
Use clear linking words to show how your ideas fit together.
language
Check grammar and spelling, and use simple, common words.
strength
A clear stand is shown, which is good for task response.
strength
Some good points on cost and effect.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Pharmaceuticals
  • Generic drugs
  • Patent laws
  • Healthcare disparity
  • Subsidies
  • Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs)
  • Intellectual property
  • Epidemiology
  • Affordability
  • Global health initiatives
  • Corporate social responsibility
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