IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities
The given bar graph illustrates the important information about the
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 which were bought and drinks in five different Australian cities over the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the highest proportion of
people
Use synonyms
 went to a café for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or
tea
Use synonyms
 in the
last
Linking Words
 4 weeks
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 meanwhile, the
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a café to buy
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 were in the lowest numbers. In general, the concentration of
people
Use synonyms
 buying
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 was higher
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
compared to fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
. At the beginning, in Sydney city,
people
Use synonyms
 bought fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 by almost 42.5% and 45%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the ratio of
people
Use synonyms
 who went to a café for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 was
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
, almost 62%.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, in Melbourne, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of buying fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 was approximately 42% and 48%,
while
Linking Words
 the fraction of buying
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 from a café showed a high
percentage
Use synonyms
 of up to 63%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in Brisbane and Adelaide cities, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 rate of
people
Use synonyms
 buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was almost the same, and the ratio of buying
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 was 53% and 50% respectively. By adding more, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 buying
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in Brisbane and Adelaide was almost 56% and 49% respectively.
At the end
Linking Words
, in Hobart city, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 buying fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 was 38% and 53%,
while
Linking Words
 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 in
café
Correct article usage
the café
show examples
 was 64%.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there were some fluctuations, the general trend shows that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who went café for
coffee
Use synonyms
 and
tea
Use synonyms
 was
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 number as compared to others.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, tea, people, café, instant, percentage with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey results
  • coffee and tea buying habits
  • instant coffee
  • fresh coffee
  • cafe culture
  • social influences
  • economic factors
  • city demographics
  • seasonal trends
  • marketing strategies
  • consumer preferences
  • availability
  • popularity
  • consumption patterns
What to do next:
Look at other essays: