IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Smoking not only harms the smoker, but also those who are nearby. Therefore, smoking should be banned in public places. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

There is no denying the fact that smoking holds many risks for
smokers
Use synonyms
 and their families.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that smoking should be banned in the vibrant areas, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will explain the drawbacks and mention some examples of
this
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 trend, followed by my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, I agree that smoking can cause many complex diseases not just for
smokers
Use synonyms
; it
also
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 involves their households.
In other words
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, smoking
also
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 has a negative impact on people who are near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
smokers
Use synonyms
, like their babies
, lung
Punctuation problem
. Lung
show examples
 defects are the most common example of these impacts.
In addition
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, these disadvantages not only harm the population,
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 is
plays
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 a vital role in straining the economic systems and the government budgets.
Therefore
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, there are some views that say smoking should be banned in
the general
Correct word choice
public
show examples
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 to protect the youngsters and elderly people.
For example
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, the extreme regulations implemented in Japan against heavy
smokers
Use synonyms
to
Verb problem
aim to
show examples
 provide an ideal environment, enabling the quality of life, and achieving a great consequence in decreasing
this
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 habit. Another point to consider, the authorities should sustain the individual's health by many measures.
For instance
Linking Words
, the KSA experienced in 2004 to mitigate the defects of smoking on both public and economic aspects by introducing a strict law against
smokers
Use synonyms
 in public places through applying fines for them. In conclusion, despite people smoking in crowded areas, I tend to consider that hard punishments should be applied to them, even if they
lay
Verb problem
are
show examples
 in prison.

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task
Be clear on your view from the start. State yes or no in the first paragraph and keep that stance all through.
coherence
Make one idea per paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that states the main idea.
coherence
Link your ideas with simple words like and, but, so, for example to show why and how.
content
Use real and simple examples that fit the point. Do not talk of facts that are not clear.
style
Keep sentences short. Avoid long blends with too many ideas.
purpose
There is a clear aim to ban smoking and a plan to give reasons.
coherence
The essay uses some linking words to show flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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