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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parent and teacher be allowed to use to teach good behavior to children?

Punishment is an important way to teach
children
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 in an early age the difference between the right and wrong
actions
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 to improve their
behavior
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. I strongly agree with
this
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 view, because
children
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 are learn quickly. In
this
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 essay, I will sort some positive punishments that parents and
teacher
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 should follow.
To begin
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 with, parents are a good model in guiding
children
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 to behave in a good way and avoid the wrong
actions
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. To illustrate, by sitting positive rules
children
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 control their
behavior
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.
For example
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, if they spend more time in front screen, father and mother apply simple punishments,
such
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 as no chocolate or no television and games for a day.
Therefore
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,
children
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 will be more careful about their
actions
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.
Moreover
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,
teacher
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 has a strong influence on student’s
behavior
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. In another words,
teacher
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 should teach pupils the rewards and punishments in the first class and follow them.
For instance
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, when they start doing misbehavior like fights or saying wrong words,
teacher
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 should give them extra work or remove the rewards from them as a positive punishment.
As a result
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,
children
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 will avoid replete the same mistake and learn respect others, which is a good value in society. In conclusion, I firmly believe that by educating students will understand easier the difference between the right and wrong
actions
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.
However
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, parents and
teacher
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 should work together to improve student’s
behavior
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.

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language
Fix basic grammar and word form errors (e.g., 'at an early age', 'front of the screen', 'they learn quickly'). Use simple, correct sentences.
content
Clarify the meaning of 'positive punishment' and use proper terms for punishment types (positive/negative punishment).
structure
Balance the view by adding a brief look at possible downsides of punishment to show you can weigh both sides.
structure
Make each paragraph about one main idea with a clear topic sentence, then support it with one or two examples.
cohesion
Improve linking of ideas with simple connectives (for example, also, in addition, however) and check pronoun use so in every sentence it is clear what is being talked about.
examples
Give more real-life, clear examples that relate to both home and school life and show how punishment can work.
position
Clear stance and message about punishment.
structure
Two main areas are shown: home and school.
organization
Intro, body, and conclusion are present.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • moral development
  • positive reinforcement
  • negative reinforcement
  • disciplinary methods
  • behavioral psychology
  • natural consequences
  • physical punishment
  • psychological impacts
  • consistent rules
  • privileges
  • parenting strategies
  • educational approaches
  • ethical upbringing
  • moral compass
  • child-rearing practices
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