IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

it is important for children to learn the diffrentce between wright and wrong at an early age. punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. to what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion? what sort of punishment should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to children?

In today's world, parents and
teachers
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in teaching moral values and shaping young people’s understanding of right and wrong. Some people believe that there should be strict rules and punishments to help
children
Use synonyms
 learn
discipline
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that
such
Linking Words
 methods can discourage
children
Use synonyms
 and harm their emotional development.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine both perspectives before giving a personal opinion. On the one hand,
discipline
Use synonyms
 is one of the most essential aspects of both educational and social life. Without clear boundaries,
children
Use synonyms
 may find it difficult to understand what
behaviour
Use synonyms
 is acceptable and what is not.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 show inappropriate
behaviour
Use synonyms
 in the classroom, which affects other
students
Use synonyms
' concentration and learning process.
As a result
Linking Words
, clear rules and gentle
discipline
Use synonyms
 can teach
children
Use synonyms
 to take responsibility for their actions and behave properly.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, strict punishment can have negative effects on
children
Use synonyms
’s emotional development and self-esteem. In some schools, the administration and
teachers
Use synonyms
 put too much pressure on
students
Use synonyms
, which may lead to emotional stress and anxiety.
Instead
Linking Words
 of improving their performance,
such
Linking Words
 pressure often makes
children
Use synonyms
 lose interest in learning and feel insecure.
For example
Linking Words
, some
teachers
Use synonyms
 publicly criticise
students
Use synonyms
 who break the rules, which can embarrass them and damage their confidence.
Such
Linking Words
behaviour
Use synonyms
 does not teach
discipline
Use synonyms
;
instead
Linking Words
, it creates fear and resentment among
students
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 punishment can help maintain
discipline
Use synonyms
, parents and
teachers
Use synonyms
 should be careful not to harm
children
Use synonyms
’s confidence. In my opinion, positive teaching methods are more effective in building good
behaviour
Use synonyms
 and long-term self-
discipline
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

tip
Add a clear view on the question. State your position in the first paragraph and stay with it.
improvement
Mention specific kinds of punishment that can be used, with reasons for and against each.
structure
Use link words to show how points are connected, like also, however, for example, therefore.
content
Give more detail in each body paragraph with one or two clear examples.
structure
Intro and conclusion are present and close the essay well.
content
Two sides are shown, and a personal view is given.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: