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Writing Samples
Band 4

These days, we are seeing an increasing amount of violence on television, and this is having a negative impact on children's behaviour. Do you agree or disagree?

Recently, we
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 seeing an upward trend amount of
violence
Use synonyms
 on television. Whether
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the war between countries or the beat in the action films
Punctuation problem
, spically
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spically
Correct your spelling
specifically
 MBC 2 .
Also
Linking Words
 , the majority of
Use synonyms
children's
Check wording
children
show examples
 are watching
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
Use synonyms
violence
Check wording
violence's
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 impact is very dangerous. It is agreed that the force affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's conduct,
due to
Linking Words
 it
is encouraged
Wrong verb form
encourages
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 to be very savage against people, and beat them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
children's
Check wording
children
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 destroy
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 psychological
health
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the encouraging
Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
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 to be savage.
Linking Words
for
Fix capitalization
For
show examples
 instance, a lot of channels on
tv
Use the right word
TV
show examples
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 the channels which share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
action films like Gown Week .
Additionally
Linking Words
, it contains
for
Use the right word
four
show examples
 parts and maybe to increase
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2030 to ten parts
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
whole
Correct article usage
The whole
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 part from
this
Linking Words
film
Use synonyms
 is better than the other.
However
Linking Words
, the
film
Use synonyms
 contains a lot of killing tools and weapons . But ,the killing tools
probably
Verb problem
are probably
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 available in the homes
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
kitchen
Correct article usage
the kitchen
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like
Punctuation problem
, like
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knife
Correct article usage
a knife
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 the knife is legal and allowed for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to cook .
Also
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 don't think well , they will do
risk
Replace the word
risky
show examples
 things
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
knife
Correct article usage
a knife
show examples
Punctuation problem
, causing
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causing
Wrong verb form
caused
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 by the
film
Use synonyms
 .
Thus
Linking Words
 , the force is a major effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
children
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
impact
Correct article usage
an impact
show examples
 on the psychological
health
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 .
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the films which included theft and kidnapping
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 Home Alone,
due to
Linking Words
 it is meaning to the
children
Use synonyms
 that the level of safety in
there
Use the right word
their
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 countries is low , and
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
 believe the events which
share
Verb problem
involve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
theft and kidnapping in the
film
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life.
However
Linking Words
, many
Use synonyms
children's
Check wording
children
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 will be afraid
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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 actions
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the psychological
health
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 will
disappearing
Wrong verb form
disappear
show examples
 when they
watched
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 the force. In conclusion , and as above ,the impact of
violence
Use synonyms
 is considerable in the life of
children
Use synonyms
 and
them
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 because the stress
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 will
caused
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 a lot
illness
Change preposition
of illness
show examples
. I am suggesting
the
Correct article usage
that
show examples
 parents
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
block the whole kinds of
violence
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
childhood.

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weakness
Your essay has a clear idea that violence on TV can affect kids, but you need to make the links between ideas more clear and use full sentences.
tip
Add more simple examples and explain how they show the effect on how kids act.
tip
Work on grammar and spelling. Use simple, correct sentences.
strength
You show a clear view that violence can hurt children.
strength
You name some shows or kinds of violence.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • mimicking
  • aggressive
  • idolize
  • fear or anxiety
  • social interactions
  • mental health
  • proactive
  • supervision
  • content
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