IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The charts below show the comparison of time spent, in minutes per day, by UK males and females on household and leisure activities in 2008.

The charts below show the comparison of time spent, in minutes per day, by UK males and females on household and leisure activities in 2008.
The chart illustrates the comparison of several
leisure
Use synonyms
activities
Use synonyms
 and household
activities
Use synonyms
 in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 Kingdom by gender in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most popular
activities
Use synonyms
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 watching TV, video, and radio,
whereas
Linking Words
 reading and sport had lower percentages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 had more
activities
Use synonyms
 in daily
Linking Words
such
Check wording
life such
show examples
 as cooking, shopping, and clothes washing and ironing,
while
Linking Words
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 had more interest in repair.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, at least 137 men spent their
leisure
Use synonyms
 time
watched
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
 Television in 2008.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 15 males exercised during their
leisure
Use synonyms
 time, and
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 activity became
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unpopular activity for
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 in the UK.
Similarly
Linking Words
, 118 females watched Television and video for their
leisure
Use synonyms
 time, followed by reading and sport
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, cooking and washing
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the most popular
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 for
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 household
activities
Use synonyms
 by more than 70 minutes per day.
Although
Linking Words
 repairing was unpopular
amongs
Correct your spelling
among
 women, more than 20 minutes per day, women did shopping and ironing as their main
activities
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
also
Linking Words
 had cooking and washing, followed by shopping, repairing, and ironing respectively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "on the other hand".
▼
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words leisure, activities with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "comparison" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: