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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that all secondary and higher secondary school students should be taught how to manage money as it is an important skill. Do you agree or disagree with this argument?

Nowadays, managing
money
Use synonyms
 is one of the important
skills
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 in
this
Linking Words
 era. Many people argue that these
skills
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 should be taught to all secondary and higher secondary school
students
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. In fact, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement for two main reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
students
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 need to get used to saving
money
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an
Change preposition
at an
show examples
 early age. By teaching
students
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on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how to manage
money
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 earlier, they can learn how to control their expenses. These
skills
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 will be beneficial as
money
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students
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 at that age do not usually ask for their parents' permission to buy things. They can buy anything that they want with their pocket
money
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.
For example
Linking Words
: senior high school
students
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 get their pocket
money
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 for a week from their parents. They are allowed to use that
money
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 in three days or stick to the first agreement of spending the
money
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 in a week. So, learning the
management
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 of
money
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 can help them
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
calculate and use the
money
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 wisely.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can spend the
money
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 on something they need rather than things that they want.
Secondly
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, learning
management
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 of
money
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 will help them to become
entrepreneur
Correct article usage
an entrepreneur
show examples
. These
skills
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 the base
skills
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 to become
entrepreneur
Correct article usage
an entrepreneur
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 modern era, becoming a businessperson is promising, as
money
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 people are
getting
Verb problem
finding it
show examples
 hard to find jobs
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Rather than becoming
employee
Correct article usage
an employee
show examples
, many people try to have their own business. By having access to
money
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management
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,
students
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 have a greater chance
to become
Change preposition
of becoming
show examples
 businesspeople.
Therefore
Linking Words
, learning
money
Use synonyms
management
Use synonyms
 will shape their mindset about
money
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. They can see
money
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 as an opportunity, not only as a transaction.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will be successful entrepreneurs in the future. In conclusion, in
this
Linking Words
 modern era,
money
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management
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 becomes so important
due to
Linking Words
 the preparation of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
' ability in controlling their expenses and helping them become successful entrepreneurs.
Therefore
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, I remained convinced that providing
money
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management
Use synonyms
 lessons at the secondary level is a great choice.

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development
Add more ideas and show how each one helps. Give more small facts or examples to show the point.
cohesion
Make links between parts. Use words like also, but, therefore, and first, next, then to guide the reader.
grammar
Improve grammar in places. Use shorter, clear sentences to keep the meaning easy to follow.
structure
Make the ending stronger. Restate your main idea and sum up what you have said.
idea
The writer keeps a clear view on the topic.
support
There are real examples used to show points.
structure
Two main ideas are given, with a basic plan.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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