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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

the chart below gives information about the origin of crude oil imports to the US in 2012 and about the percentage of of imports as a share of the US crude oil consumption

the chart below gives information about the origin of crude oil imports to the US in 2012 and about the percentage of of imports as a share of the US crude oil consumption
The given
demonstrate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
information
in
Verb problem
is demonstrated in
show examples
 two charts, the first one includes data about the import of
crude
Use synonyms
oil
Use synonyms
 to America in the year 2012, the second one
is giving
Wrong verb form
gives
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 information about the consumption of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crude
Use synonyms
oil
Use synonyms
 from 2005 until 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, in the pie
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
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 it is easy to see that the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
oil
Use synonyms
imports
Use synonyms
 in
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
 is by itself,
while
Linking Words
 in the bar
Use synonyms
chart
Add a comma
chart,
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 it is noticeable that the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
imports
Use synonyms
 as a share of US
crude
Use synonyms
oil
Use synonyms
 consumption kept decreasing slightly during the whole period.
First,
Linking Words
in the pie
chart
Use synonyms
,
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
imports
Use synonyms
 39% of
Use synonyms
oil
Correct word order
crude oil
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crude
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
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itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, and
canda
Correct your spelling
Canada
imports
Use synonyms
 24% to
US
Correct article usage
the US
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 Latin America and Africa
Use synonyms
imports
Correct subject-verb agreement
import
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 mere of the percent to the US by 9% and 8% respectively. Turning to the bar
chart
Use synonyms
, in the year 2005 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of
imports
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the highest
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 60%
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the year
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
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 it stayed the same
percentage
Use synonyms
. After
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 the import
percentage
Use synonyms
 kept decreasing gradually during the period 2006 until 2012, and in 2012 the
percentage
Use synonyms
 reached its lowest
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 40%. In summary, in the pie
chart
Use synonyms
Punctuation problem
, yhe
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yhe
Correct your spelling
the
 lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 was for Africa, in the bar
chart
Use synonyms
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 the
begging
Use the right word
beginning
show examples
 it stayed the same, but after that it started decreasing until 2012.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crude, oil, chart, percentage, imports with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 7 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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