IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

some people think that health care is the responsibility of the government. Other people believe that health care is not the governments responsibility, but each individual person is responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Some
people
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 think that the
government
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 should take care of
healthcare
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,
while
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 others believe that each person should look after their own
health
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.
This
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 essay will discuss
both
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 sides and give my opinion. On one hand, many
people
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 believe
healthcare
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 should be the
government
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’s responsibility because everyone deserves access to medical services. Not all
people
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 can afford hospital bills or expensive medicine. If the
government
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 provides free or low-cost
healthcare
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, everyone can get treatment when they need it.
Also
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, when citizens are healthy, the country becomes stronger and more productive.
For example
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, in the UK, the National
Health
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 Service (NHS) gives free medical care to everyone, which helps improve
people
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’s quality of life.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think individuals should be responsible for their own
health
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.
People
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 make personal choices every day about food, exercise, and smoking, which all affect their
health
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. If someone eats junk food or never exercises, it is their fault if they get sick.
Also
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, if
people
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 take care of themselves, it reduces the pressure on hospitals and saves money for the
government
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.
For instance
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, many
health
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 problems like obesity or heart disease can be avoided by eating healthy and staying active. In my opinion,
both
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 sides have good points. The
government
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 should provide basic
healthcare
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 and education about healthy living, but
people
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 should
also
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 make an effort to stay healthy. If
both
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 the
government
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 and individuals work together, the whole society will benefit. In conclusion,
while
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 some think
healthcare
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 is the
government
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’s job and others say it is a personal duty, I believe it should be a shared responsibility between
both
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.

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Task Response
The essay covers both sides well and gives a clear view. Add one more strong, specific example or fact to back your view.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure is clear with 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand' and a final view. Make each paragraph have a clear main idea in a simple topic sentence, and use more tiny link words to show flow.
Task Response
Clear view that health care should be shared by government and people.
Coherence
Good use of two sides and simple examples like NHS and healthy life choices.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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