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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think that health care is the responsibility of the government. Other people believe that health care is not the governments responsibility, but each individual person is responsible for their own health. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

Health
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care
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 plays a vital role in
this
Linking Words
 society. In fact, there are some individuals who think that
health
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care
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 is the
government
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’s responsibility.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that
people
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 have to take
care
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 of their
health
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care
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. In my
opinion
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, I partially agree with both views of these opinions. In
this
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 statement, I will discuss these views and present my
opinion
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. On the one hand, there are a lot of
people
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 who believe that
health
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care
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 is the
government
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’s responsibility.
For example
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, the
government
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 should work hard to add a large number of hospitals in the country.
As a result
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, hospitals will be in each area of the country. So that will be so easy for
people
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, especially the elderly. Not only but
also
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, but it will be nearest to them.
However
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, the
government
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 should provide several medicines.
Such
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 as sugary medicine.
Moreover
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, governments have to put healthy food in schools’ cafeterias.
Also
Linking Words
, they have to employ nurses at schools. Nurses are essential individuals in the schools.
For example
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, students need to go to the nurses' rooms for any injuries.
Nevertheless
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, the
government
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 could
also
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 employ dentists for all types of
people
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. Especially children. So, all these points are the
government
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’s responsibility
as well as
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 their work.
On the other hand
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, there are some bodies that agree that
people
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 should take
care
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 of their
health
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care
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.
For example
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,
people
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 who don’t take
care
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 of their food don’t deserve the
government
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's offers.
Such
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 as humans who have an admiration for eating a lot of candies
as well as
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 chocolates. So, these types of
people
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 cannot take
care
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 of their
health
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 , which is so risky. Not only but
also
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 smoking is dangerous to healthcare, there are some
people
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 who enjoy smoking , which is a bad habit. So, the
government
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 shouldn’t give them medicines. Correctly, they have to avoid smoking themselves.
Therefore
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, they will be in great
health
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. There is a study that showed 45 per cent of
people
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 who don’t take
care
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 of their
health
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care
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 are children more than adults. So, that means parents have to focus on their children , especially the kids. In conclusion, it is clear to see that in my
opinion
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 I strongly agree with these two opinions. I completely agree that the
government
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 should take
care
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 of its residents
as well as
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 their residents.
Also
Linking Words
, they should provide their needs.
However
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, I
also
Linking Words
 believe that the
opinion
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 is that
people
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 should take
care
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 of themselves. So, they have to avoid their bad habits.

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task
Be clear about your view in the introduction and stay with one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence
Use simple linking words to show how your ideas are connected.
development
Give a concrete example for each point and explain how it supports your view.
content
You try to discuss both sides and to give your own view.
content
There are some clear ideas about hospitals and schools as roles for government.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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