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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people find it difficult to manage their money. How could the government help prevent debt problems and support such people?

It is undeniable that many individuals are not financially educated, which makes it difficult to properly manage their own budget. There remains an opinion that the governments should tackle
such
Linking Words
 issues and how to spread awareness
through
Change preposition
to
show examples
 big
mass
Fix the agreement mistake
masses
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. Since the problem became controversial, I intend to give a brief outline of the main arguments.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, most people have a wrong perception
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 finances. With
a
Correct article usage
the
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 fast-paced development of technologies
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 influence on people became dramatic, especially
throughout
Change preposition
through
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 social media.
While
Linking Words
 some believe that constantly saving money for future needs is thoughtful, others tend to think that there should not be any limitations. Given
this
Linking Words
 fact, perhaps not surprising that the economy and people’s well-being would be down in the dumps. The world would surely be a better place to live in if reasonable solutions
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 found. It is crystal clear that the burden of responsibility lies in the hands of the government.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they should promote the importance of budget planning and saving methods, which would ease money management.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Ukrainian government has already created a platform with online finance courses. The statistic shows that from 2023 to
2025
Punctuation problem
2025,
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 the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of financially responsible individuals has risen.
Additionally
Linking Words
, many teenagers re-evaluated their expenditures and started to spend cash wisely. All things considered, it is essential to learn financial management in the modern world. I strongly believe that the government should not only make educational platforms, but
also
Linking Words
 constantly share valuable messages through mass media and
advert
Use the right word
advertising
show examples
 campaigns.

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improvement
Give a clear answer to the question and add more ideas on how the government can help. Add steps like rules to stop debt and more action to teach people how to use money.
improvement
Make the writing flow by using simple link words and have each paragraph hold one idea. Use shorter sentences to be easier to read.
improvement
Check facts and add more real life examples. Say how each plan can help and what problems may come.
content
The idea to help people with money skill is clear.
content
A real life example (Ukraine platform) is used.
structure
The ending sentence supports the main idea.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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