IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people believe that children should spend all of their free time with their families. Others believe that this is unnecessary or even negative. Discuss the possible argument on both sides, and say which side you personally support.

It is argued by some that juveniles should spend their pastime with their parents,
whereas
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 others hold
an
Correct article usage
the
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 idea that
this
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 is neither necessary nor positive. I am of the opinion that
children
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 should spend their
time
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 with their
friends
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 rather than their
families
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. On the one hand, when kids are
bringing
Verb problem
growing
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 up, they need their
families
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hence
Punctuation problem
; hence
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, they spend most of their
time
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 with
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families
Correct pronoun usage
their families
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. They can discover their skills, and they receive
first
Correct pronoun usage
their first
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 education from their
families
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.
As a result
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, they should continue to both stay and spend
time
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 with their parents.
For instance
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, they may play games together and do sorts of activities for learning and improvement.
On the other hand
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,
while
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children
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 need to be with their parents, after
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
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ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
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, they should start to socialise and make new
friends
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.
Therefore
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, they can learn
that
Correct word choice
apply
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how they
can
Verb problem
apply
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communicate with other
children
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, and they can be part of society. They should spend their
time
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 with their peers in order to character development.
For example
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, when a child is playing
game
Correct article usage
a game
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 with
friends
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, they can learn sharing, agreement, and even
discucssing
Correct your spelling
discussing
 because their peers understand them completely. In conclusion,
while
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 some people believe that spending
time
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 with
families
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 is crucial for
children
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, it seems to me that
children
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 should spend their free
time
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 with their
friends
Use synonyms
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
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to be more
intrinsic and
Replace the word
intrinsically
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 brave
person
Check wording
apply
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in the future.

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content
Use more clear and direct points. Add more strong reasons for each idea.
coherence
Link ideas with simple connect words to show how one idea leads to the next.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling to be easier to read.
structure
Make the final paragraph show your main point in a simple, clear way.
content
You show a view on both sides.
content
The stance is clear at the start of the essay.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • strengthen family bonds
  • emotional support
  • instill values
  • nurturing environment
  • secure and loved
  • social skills
  • independence
  • sense of identity
  • diverse environments
  • adaptable
  • open-minded
  • balanced development
  • foundational support
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