IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people are living longer, and some believe that this can contribute to people’s development. What are the causes of this change? Is it a positive or negative phenomenon?

It is
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that in modern
Use synonyms
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
people
Use synonyms
are having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 longer
life
Use synonyms
span
Correct subject-verb agreement
spans
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that
this
Linking Words
 change can take part in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's development.
Although
Linking Words
 there are many negative
progress
Correct subject-verb agreement
progresses
show examples
 with
this
Linking Words
 change but the positive effects
supresede
Correct your spelling
supersede
 them. There are many
avantages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
peole
Correct your spelling
people
 having longer
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It actually shows the country's or a
persons
Check wording
person's
show examples
 individual development. For
instant
Replace the word
instance
show examples
a
Punctuation problem
, a
show examples
person who is
phyisically
Correct your spelling
physically
 healthy
that
Punctuation problem
, that
show examples
 means he
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 having better lifestyle,
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
 and healthy food around him to move
slower
Correct word choice
more slowly
show examples
 towards his older age.
As advance
Change preposition
With advanced
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 medicine,
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 new
vaccine
Fix the agreement mistake
vaccines
show examples
 are reducing
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 and curing many diseases. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
show examples
, the living
stlye
Correct your spelling
style
 nowadays
uplifted
Verb problem
is uplifted
show examples
 with safer food, water and safer
neighborhood
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neighbourhoods
show examples
. As with long
life
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 can
achive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 more
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and money for themselves
as well as
Linking Words
 for
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 family. In recent
Use synonyms
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 the
work place
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workplace
show examples
are more
Verb problem
is
show examples
 safer and
incident
Fix the agreement mistake
incidents
show examples
 like wars and other
happen
Check wording
events happen
show examples
seldom
Rephrase
less frequently
show examples
 compared with the past,
thus
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 safety and
Correct article usage
a prolong
show examples
prolong
Replace the word
prolonged
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. Adult
people
Use synonyms
 with more
experice definetly
Correct your spelling
experience definitely
adding
Wrong verb form
add
show examples
 value towards their
life
Use synonyms
 and
sociaty
Correct your spelling
society
. On the downside, old
people
Use synonyms
 require more medical attention and
heathcare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
.
some times
Use the right word
Sometimes
show examples
 they need extra care at home,
strain
Correct article usage
a strain
show examples
 on
pension
Correct article usage
the pension
show examples
,
less
Correct word choice
and less
show examples
 room for the younger
people
Use synonyms
 in the job sectors. In some cases
Linking Words
also may
Correct word order
may also
show examples
 lead to inequality if those aren't
check
Wrong verb form
checked
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
 or
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
accordingly
Linking Words
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, even though there are some
draw backs
Use the right word
drawbacks
show examples
 with extended
life
Use synonyms
 , on the whole the positive phenomenon
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweighs
 the negatives.

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structure
Plan your write. Make a plan with the best two ideas for the cause and the good and bad things.
structure
Use a clear rule for each para. One main idea per paragraph with a short start sentence.
content
Say both sides well. Give a clear view at the end.
language
Fix big grammar and word mistakes. Check spell and help with sentence form.
linking
Use easy link words to show order, like first, next, then, and finally.
structure
There is an intro and a short finish.
content
The essay gives many reasons for why people live longer.
content
Some examples are given, like vaccines and safer life.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life
  • long
  • life expectancy
  • health
  • health care
  • doctor
  • medicine
  • disease
  • water
  • food
  • education
  • income
  • work
  • retire
  • pension
  • care
  • cost
  • benefit
  • problem
  • plan
  • policy
  • country
  • people
  • future
  • old age
  • experience
  • family
  • society
  • time
What to do next:
Look at other essays: