IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people are having longer life. Some people thing that this can be benificial for the people's development. what are the reasons behind it? is it a negative or positive change?

It is believed that in modern times
people
Use synonyms
 have longer life spans , and
also
Linking Words
 some public believe that
this
Linking Words
 change can take part in
people
Use synonyms
's development.
Although
Linking Words
 there are many negative progresses with
this
Linking Words
 change but the positive effects supersede them. There are many advantages
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 having longer lives. It actually shows the country's or a person's individual development.
For instance
Linking Words
,
aperson
Correct your spelling
a person
 who is physically healthy , that means he has having better lifestyle, healthcare and healthy food around him to move more slowly towards his older age. With advanced medicine, innovations in new vaccines are reducing
people
Use synonyms
's illnesses and curing many diseases.
In addition
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, the living style nowadays is uplifted with safer food, water and safer neighbourhoods. As with long
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 folk can achieve more knowledge and money for themselves
as well as
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 for their family. In recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, the workplace is safer and incidents like wars and other events happen less frequently compared with the past,
thus
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people
Use synonyms
 have safety and
prolonged
Correct article usage
a prolonged
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 life. Adult
people
Use synonyms
 with more experience definitely add value towards their being and society. On the downside, old
people
Use synonyms
 require more medical attention and healthcare costs. Sometimes they need extra care at home, a strain on the pension and less room for the younger
people
Use synonyms
 in the job sectors. In some cases may
also
Linking Words
 lead to inequality if those aren't checked time to time or improved
accordingly
Linking Words
.
To sum up
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, even though there are some drawbacks with extended breath , on the
whole
Punctuation problem
whole,
show examples
 the positive phenomenon outweighs the negatives.

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organization
Plan your essay before you write. Write 2 or 3 main ideas and stick to them.
structure
Have a clear opening that says what you think and a clear ending.
content
Each paragraph should have one idea and some facts to back it.
language
Use simple, correct grammar and fix spelling mistakes (for example, 'a person' instead of 'aperson').
coherence
Use simple linking words to show order and cause (and, but, so, because, then).
example
Give clear examples that fit the point you talk about.
idea
There is a real idea that long life may help people and the country.
content
The essay shows some facts about medicine and safe home life.
structure
You close with a short summary.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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