IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that the government should spend money only on medical care and education but not on theaters or sports stadiums. Do you agree or disagree?

Education
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 and
healthcare
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 are major parts of
people
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’s lives. Some
people
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 believe that governments should invest more in these areas
instead
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 of spending money on
facilities
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such
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 as theatres or
sports
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 stadiums,
while
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 others argue that developed countries should
also
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 allocate funds to these sectors.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, government investment in
education
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 and
healthcare
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 offers significant advantages for social and economic development. First of all, providing quality
education
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 helps
people
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 gain knowledge and skills that can lead to better job opportunities and higher income. When citizens are
well-educated
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well-educated,
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 they contribute more
effecttively
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effectively
 to the country's workforce and
overall
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 productivity.
In addition
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, access to good medical care.
In addition
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, good
healthcare
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 improves
people
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’s quality of life, helps them stay healthy for longer, and reduces the risk of serious illnesses.
For example
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, countries that have the latest technology can provide their citizens with more effective and faster medical treatments.
As a result
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,
people
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 feel more satisfied with their country and do not consider moving to developed nations.
On the other hand
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,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that investing in
education
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 and mental
healthcare
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 is more important, others argue that spending on
sports
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 and cultural
facilities
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also
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 has great value. They support
this
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 idea because cultural and
sports
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facilities
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 provide
people
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 with opportunities to relax, reduce stress, and improve their mental health.
For example
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,
people
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 who work long hours often go to
sports
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 stadiums or cultural centres to escape from daily pressure.
Furthermore
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, museums and theatres
also
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 contribute to educational development by helping
people
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 learn about history, culture, and art. In conclusion,
although
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education
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 and
healthcare
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 are essential for improving
people
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’s lives, cultural and
sports
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facilities
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also
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 play an important role. Governments should mainly invest in basic services
but
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, but
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 still support these areas to promote mental health and social harmony.

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Task Response
Be clear about your main view in the opening and end with it. Build one strong idea per paragraph and show how each idea links to your view.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make the flow smooth. Use simple linking words like first, also, but, and then. Check that each sentence connects to the one before and the idea is easy to follow.
Structure
The essay looks at both sides and has a plan.
Content
It uses examples to back ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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