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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the donations given to six different types of charity by one company from 2012 to 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the donations given to six different types of charity by one company from 2012 to 2014. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart illustrates the
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 donated by a
company
Use synonyms
 across six types of
charity
Use synonyms
 from 2012 to 2014. The figure of
donation
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 presented
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
thousands
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
dollars
Change preposition
of dollars
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the largest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
money
Use synonyms
 has been donated for Social Welfare
along
Change preposition
over
show examples
Correct article usage
a 3-years
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3-years
Correct your spelling
3-year
 period, whilst the least
amount
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 given to
Arts
Correct article usage
the Arts
show examples
charity
Use synonyms
. The figures of
donation
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 for Health have
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
 trend
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Wildlife
charity
Use synonyms
 events, the numbers
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
increased along the given period, whilst Social Welfare, Education, and Environment charities received fluctuating
numbers
Check wording
amounts
show examples
 of donated
money
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. The
Use synonyms
company
Check wording
company's
show examples
 highest expenditures on Social Welfare charities from 2012 to 2014 were around 23, 18, and 24
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
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dollars
Use synonyms
, respectively.
However
Linking Words
, for Wildlife and Arts
charity
Use synonyms
 events, the
company
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 spent less than 5
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the three-year period. Meanwhile, Health, Education, and Environment
charity
Use synonyms
 forms received
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donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
less
Change preposition
of less
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 than 10
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
. In 2012, the
company
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 donated the second largest
amount
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 of
money
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 for charities on Education and Environment, whilst in 2013 and 2014, Health became the second largest receiver of
Use synonyms
donation
Fix the agreement mistake
donations
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
company
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 donated the same
amount
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 to Arts in 2012 and 2013, around 2
Use synonyms
thousands
Fix the agreement mistake
thousand
show examples
dollars
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 in 2014, it was doubled to around 4 thousand
dollars
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, money, company, charity, donation, thousands, dollars with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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