IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Employers somtimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information. Such as their habbies and interests, and whether thay are married or single. Some people say that this information may be relevant and useful. Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays,
job
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 interviews are much more rigorous and exhaustive, with the purpose of getting to know the candidate better by asking personal questions.
While
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 some approve of
this
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 new practice, others consider it invasive and unnecessary. In
this
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 essay, I will address both perspectives before presenting my personal opinion. First and foremost, it's worth mentioning that interviews are intended to determine whether the candidate possesses the necessary skills for the
job
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.
Therefore
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, it's justified to some extent to gather as much information as possible.
However
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, some questions can make candidates uncomfortable.
For example
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, a study by the Ministry of
Labor
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Labour
show examples
 revealed that more than 40% of workers were uncomfortable sharing details of their private lives, and the majority felt the interview should focus solely on professional matters, arguing that a
job
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 requires practical knowledge and skills, regardless of marital status, nationality, etc.
On the other hand
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, today we are moving toward a paradigm shift in the
labor
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labour
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 market, where workers feel comfortable in their workplace with values ​​and approaches that are aligned with their own. Psychologists and recruiters
emphasize
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emphasise
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 the personal aspect during the interview, with the goal of determining whether the
person
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 fits into the company culture and would be able to interact well with others. Personally, I consider it to be a key point, because at work, the human and professional dimensions are not mutually exclusive, but rather complementary. For
instace
Correct your spelling
instance
, work psychologists point out that hobbies and interests
,
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apply
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 reveal much more about a
person
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 than some conventional psychological tests. In
this
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 sense, if an employer is looking for a competent candidate who can
also
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 integrate into the business culture, they will be interested in knowing the applicant's motivations and interests beyond their professional training, since if the
person
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 is chosen, their personal qualities will be enhanced by their professional capabilities.
To conclude
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,
i
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I
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 do consider it relevant to include personal questions in
job
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 interviews, as they allow employers to know more about the
person
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's profile.
Furthermore
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, these days companies are looking for staff who can fit in with a work team,
feeling
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feel
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 comfortable in it and
working
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work
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 as best as possible.

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structure
Improve topic sentences to state the main idea in each paragraph.
content
Add more real examples or data to back up points.
language/editing
Use simple words and fix errors like 'For instance' and 'i'.
editing
Check spelling and grammar and keep a steady tone.
task response
Make your opinion clear in one sentence and tie your conclusion to it.
content
Clear attempt to discuss both views and give an opinion.
cohesion
Use of linking words helps flow.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural fit
  • Soft skills
  • Relocation
  • Discriminatory practices
  • Competence
  • Correlation
  • Privacy
  • Equality
  • Stereotypes
  • Biases
  • Varied importance
  • Professional capacity
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Diversity
  • Inclusivity
What to do next:
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