IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

Many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that money is the primary reason that attracts employees
continue
Verb problem
to continue
show examples
 to
work
Use synonyms
 for one
company
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 because a lucrative job
offer
Correct subject-verb agreement
offers
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
apply
show examples
a high standard of living and a
work
Use synonyms
-life balance. On the one hand, companies which provide a high salary often make their staff be able to be much easier to earn a living. As
such
Linking Words
, they can be affordable to purchase
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
show examples
 they long
, in
Change preposition
for, in
show examples
 turn resulting in them staying in one
company
Use synonyms
, since
this
Linking Words
 can enable them to please themselves by
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 shopping and other consumption. Tesla,
for example
Linking Words
, a generous
multination
Use the right word
multinational
show examples
 corporation, has a vast
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of workers who have been working
several
Change preposition
for several
show examples
 years in it, which means that the income is approved and appealing, and
therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
company
Use synonyms
 has a
significant
Replace the word
significantly
show examples
 low turnover rate.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, competitive wages allow
people
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
to have
show examples
 more time to spend with their loved ones. Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that high earning means
long-time
Correct word choice
long-term
show examples
 working,
Linking Words
on
Correct word choice
but on
show examples
 the contrary, it is not true in many circumstances. As a matter of fact, if
people
Use synonyms
overtime
Verb problem
work overtime
show examples
worked
Verb problem
apply
show examples
but do not create too much value, they would not gain rewards.
In other words
Linking Words
, firms typically pay
people
Use synonyms
 high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 for the productivity they contribute in
work
Use synonyms
 hours, meaning those who
work
Use synonyms
productive
Replace the word
productively
show examples
 may well have plenty of time
while
Linking Words
 they obtain a desirable income.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 for Coca-Cola are known
that
Change preposition
to
show examples
 they
can
Verb problem
able to
show examples
 spend a great deal of time with their families, and remain in
this
Linking Words
company
Use synonyms
 for many years. In conclusion, I firmly agree that money is the most important factor, which encourages
people
Use synonyms
 to stay working for the same
company
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Make a clear plan in the intro. State your view in one strong sentence and say what you will show.
content
Develop each point in its own paragraph. Tie each idea to your view and explain with a simple reason.
grammar
Check grammar and word use. Avoid hard and wrong word form (like merchandises). Use plain, easy words.
examples
Use better examples or explain how pay and time at work link to staying. Explain how the example shows your idea.
conclusion
Finish with a short end that rest the view and sum the main idea.
style
Keep sentences short and clear. Use only simple tense forms and avoid long, complex sentences.
content
The essay shows a clear view on the topic.
structure
Two main ideas are given and linked to the view.
content
Some examples are used to back up ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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