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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of the daily working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.

The charts below show the percentage of the daily working adults spent doing different activities in a particular country in 1958 and 2008.
The pie chart
compare
Correct subject-verb agreement
compares
show examples
 the
proportion
Use synonyms
 of
time
Use synonyms
 working adults spent on six kinds of activities between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 1958 and 2008.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 working and sleeping made up the two highest
Use synonyms
proportion
Fix the agreement mistake
proportions
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 of adults’
time
Use synonyms
 in both 1958 and 2008.
Additionally
Linking Words
, adults tended to spend less
time
Use synonyms
 relaxing at home and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to work. In 1958, working and sleeping constituted 33% and 32% of adults'
time
Use synonyms
 respectively, which
dominate
Wrong verb form
dominated
show examples
 the two majority categories of
time
Use synonyms
 spent among the 6.
By contrast
Linking Words
, just 2% of their
time
Use synonyms
 was taken to travel to work, which was just a quarter of
percentage
Check wording
the time
show examples
 of relaxing at home.
In addition
Linking Words
,
time
Use synonyms
 spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going out ranked
third,
Linking Words
with a
proportion
Use synonyms
 of 19%. Throughout the
later
Use the right word
latter
show examples
 50 years,
time
Use synonyms
 spent
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
working increased significantly from 33%
–
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
42%,
while
Linking Words
 sleeping witnessed a sharp decline
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 its
proportion
Use synonyms
dropping
Punctuation problem
, dropping
show examples
 to 25%. What’s more, the percentage of relaxing at home and
travel
Use the right word
travelling
show examples
 to work rose at a similar rate by 5% and 6% respectively.
Use synonyms
Proportion
Correct article usage
The proportion
show examples
 of going out experienced a considerable decline from 19% to 6%. There was
also
Linking Words
 a slight growth
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 2% in
time
Use synonyms
 spent on other interests or play spots.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words proportion, time with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • technological advancements
  • leisure activities
  • household chores
  • gender roles
  • modern lifestyle
  • fast food trends
  • sleep patterns
  • health and well-being
  • societal impact
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