In most countries, prison is an effective solution for the problem of crime. Some people think a more effective solution is to provide a better education. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the majority of countries, prison is used as the most efficient tool to address crime.
However
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, many
people
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claim that educating criminals can have more positive effects.
While
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being agree
Wrong verb form
agreeing
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that
education
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can
also
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positively affect, I assume that incarceration serves as the best disciplinary action. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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hand, educating criminals offers several benefits.
Firstly
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, rehabilitation. Unlike punishments that can stir up revenge in offenders,
education
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plays the role of a navigator that guides them through legal paths.
For example
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, if a perpetrator truly acknowledges his error and remains unpunished,
this
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person will be grateful and will not commit a crime again.
Moreover
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, giving an
education
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will not only serve as punishment but
also
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show the correct way of acting. Especially,
this
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can be useful for those lawbreakers who did it unintentionally or because they had no other
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
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to deal with the situation. In these cases,
education
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gives the answers to their questions and lightens up their mindset, resulting in
further
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legal actions.
On the other hand
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, there are occasions when individuals have to complete a sentence.
For instance
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, some
people
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, despite the previous process of rehabilitation,
also
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tend to commit crimes again. These lawbreakers engage in a criminal activity intentionally; the worst part is that
this
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is their lifestyle. For them,
education
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might not be the correct approach
of
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to
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treating them,
while
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prison will give them the opportunity to think about their faults and change their attitudes.
In addition
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, there are severe crimes that have ended with the death of not one person but several
people
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.
As a result
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, by trying to let them learn how to
differ
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differentiate
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between black and white, officials cannot bring back those
people
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who were innocent.
Therefore
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, by imposing strict punishments, fairness can be balanced, so others follow. In conclusion, personally, I agree that
education
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can be a more effective way of punishment for lawbreakers
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
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, only if the crime has been committed unintentionally.
Otherwise
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,
this
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may not be enough for offenders to understand their mistakes, and these cases need stricter methods to be used.

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task response
Be clear in your view. State your main idea in the intro and keep it in the next paragraph.
task response
Use a simple plan: intro, one paragraph for agree, one for disagree, then a clear conclusion that repeats your view.
coherence
Link ideas with simple and clear words. Start each paragraph with a topic sentence.
grammar
Every sentence should have a clear subject and verb. Check grammar like verb forms, pronouns, and plural -s.
vocabulary
Use common words. Try not to use hard words. If you use new word, explain it.
structure
The essay shows two sides of the idea and a final view.
coherence
You use 'On the one hand / On the other hand' to link ideas.
argument
There is a clear conclusion that states your view.
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