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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, more and more adults choose to continue to live with their parents after they graduate and have found jobs. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh its disadvantages?

In many countries, the number of grown individuals who live with their
parents
Use synonyms
 is increasing over the years. In my opinion, disadvantages outweigh advantages, because every mature human being should live on their own and be self-responsible, but in some special cases,
parents
Use synonyms
 are needed to help and support. On the one hand, adults should live their own lives, away from home.
Parents
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal role in a child’s nurturing and mind shaping, but when they become grown adults, it is time to let them go.
In addition
Linking Words
, every human has their private
life
Use synonyms
 and often other
people
Use synonyms
 interfere with it, which makes maintaining it very hard.
Moreover
Linking Words
, living apart from
parents
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 teaches you how to be responsible , and it is one of the essential skills in
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2014, researchers found that individuals who live alone are more accountable
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 than those who live with their families.
Therefore
Linking Words
, living far away makes
people
Use synonyms
 more responsible and less dependent.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, sometimes children need to take care of their
parents
Use synonyms
. Over time, every single person gets older
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 for them it becomes complex to look after themselves, especially when they are too old.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can feel alone and miserable, because they have lived their
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 looking after children and raising them. It is emotionally painful to see them drift away and forget their origins.
For instance
Linking Words
, statistics have shown that in 2016, more than 54 thousand
people
Use synonyms
 left their homes to live independently.
Thus
Linking Words
, more and more
people
Use synonyms
 choose to stay with their families. In conclusion, we can say that drawbacks outweigh benefits, because it is important to have
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 and learn how to manage it without
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in some circumstances, it might be needed to take care of them. In my opinion,
people
Use synonyms
 should find a balance between private and family
life
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 means living apart and never forgetting about their family.

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improvement
Make your view clear in the first sentence and keep it steady through the essay.
improvement
Give more exact proof for each point and use strong, related examples.
improvement
Use clear topic sentences to show what each paragraph will talk about.
improvement
Check grammar and marks, and fix small mistakes to help accuracy.
strength
Your view is clear and you end with a similar idea.
strength
There is a simple flow of ideas from one point to the next.
strength
You try to talk about both sides of the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • intergenerational
  • economic stability
  • cohabitation
  • living arrangements
  • financial autonomy
  • student loans
  • emotional stability
  • transitional phase
  • career development
  • self-reliance
  • independence
  • tension
  • values
  • lifestyles
  • personal space
  • autonomy
  • financial burden
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