IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the percentage of unemployed people aged between 15 and 24 in five European countries in 2005, compared with the overall percentage of unemployment in those countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line chart depicts information about the jobless
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of five European
Countries
Use synonyms
, which
compared
Wrong verb form
compares
show examples
 from young generations with
Correct pronoun usage
that all
show examples
all of
Correct word order
of all
show examples
 unemployed people in those
countries
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the younger ones,
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
show examples
 from
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 15 to
24
Punctuation problem
24,
show examples
 had the highest percentage of unemployment compared with the
overall
Linking Words
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
through
Change preposition
in
show examples
 five different
countries
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as Poland, Italy, Hungary, Germany, and Denmark.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Poland was the highest country with around 35% of jobless adults compared to Denmark
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 has the lowest score by around 10%.
Moreover
Linking Words
, after Poland,
followed with Italy
Correct word order
Italy followed with
show examples
 around 25%, Hungary
around
Change preposition
with around
show examples
 23%, and Germany
at
Change preposition
with
show examples
 20%. Whilst
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 percentage of
unenployed
Correct your spelling
unemployed
 people
consistenly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 below the younger generation in those five European
Countries
Use synonyms
, which started at around 25% in
Polland
Use the right word
Poland
show examples
 and followed at 20% for the second highest in Germany. The third rank is in Italy at 15%,
then
Linking Words
Hungary
Change preposition
in Hungary
show examples
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 10%. The lowest rank
around
Verb problem
is around
show examples
 5% in Denmark.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words countries with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 7 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • unemployment rate
  • youth unemployment
  • overall unemployment
  • comparison
  • percentage
  • aged between
  • economic conditions
  • educational system
  • vocational training
  • long-term impacts
  • policy changes
  • job training programs
  • disparity
  • national unemployment rates
  • European countries
What to do next:
Look at other essays: