IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Celebrities such as actors, athletes and musicians earn large salaries compared to other professionals. Some people consider this unfair, while others think that celebrities deserve to be paid a lot for the work they do. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion on the subject.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is unfair that
celebrities
Use synonyms
 earn significantly more than other occupations,
while
Linking Words
 others think that they deserve it
due to
Linking Words
 their
work
Use synonyms
. There are some truths that actors, athletes and musicians do not deserve that amount of money, but
i
Verb problem
I am
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 convinced that it is their labour and they earn it regard their specific
work
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.
People
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 who
work
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 in essential human occupations,
such
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 as doctors, social
workers
Use synonyms
, volunteers and firefighters, have by far more insignificant salaries than public
media
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workers
Use synonyms
. That
workers
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 are vital for society,
for instance
Linking Words
, if doctors were to disappear all over the world, a huge number of
people
Use synonyms
 would
have
Verb problem
die from
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 disease, simultaneously the human population could be on the verge of death. Another aspect, that
media
Use synonyms
 employees are not beneficial for human progress
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they do not have a sufficient impact on their existence.
Consequently
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,
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
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 only suffers from their presence
,
Punctuation problem
;
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furthermore
Linking Words
, pollution problems are
also
Linking Words
 not solved by
celebrities
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
celebrities
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 appear as bodies who help in maintaining stable emotional and social structures.
For example
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,
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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 have figures that
helping
Wrong verb form
help
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 them to entertain their quotidian tediousness,
thus
Linking Words
,
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 public suffers less from health-based diseases.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they assist in building human social culture, giving opinions and meanings that would
wide
Rephrase
apply
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spread
across
Rephrase
widely across
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entire
Correct article usage
the entire
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 planet,
help
Wrong verb form
helping
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 in human awareness about environmental problems. In the case of water consumption, popular
media
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 persons giving their opinion and
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 references for ordinary
people
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,
how
Change preposition
on how
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 to protect and act for nature protection. In conclusion, it is arguable whether
celebrities
Use synonyms
 deserve their salaries, in comparison with essential occupation
workers
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, but
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 firmly believe that for certain reasons members of
Use synonyms
media
Correct article usage
the media
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 corps get as much as they
work
Use synonyms
.

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task
Begin with a clear view in the first line and repeat it in the end. This helps the reader see your stance.
task
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to join ideas, for example 'also', 'but', 'however', 'for example'.
grammar
Fix basic grammar and spelling. Use short, simple sentences.
lexis
Use plain words. Do not use hard or long words. Keep the meaning clear.
structure
The essay shows you talk about both sides.
content
It gives simple examples like doctors and media workers.
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