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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Completing a university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting exercise and developing soft skills are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that completing a
university
Use synonyms
 education is the best way to secure a good job,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that gaining
experience
Use synonyms
 and developing soft
skills
Use synonyms
 is more important. I strongly believe that obtaining a
university
Use synonyms
 degree is essential for career success,
although
Linking Words
 practical
experience
Use synonyms
 and personal
skills
Use synonyms
 can enhance
one
Check wording
one's
show examples
 prospects.
Firstly
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, a
university
Use synonyms
 education provides numerous benefits to individuals, both professionally and personally.
For instance
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, professions
such
Linking Words
 as medicine, engineering, and law require formal academic qualifications. In order to pursue a career in these fields and achieve a competitive salary, obtaining a
university
Use synonyms
 degree is of crucial importance.
However
Linking Words
, in today's competitive job market, practical
experience
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 and soft
skills
Use synonyms
 are equally essential. Employees with hands-on
experience
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 are often able to adapt more quickly to professional environments.
Skills
Use synonyms
such
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 as effective communication, teamwork, and time management play a crucial role in ensuring success in the workplace.
Moreover
Linking Words
, certain fields
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as plumbing and other technical
professions
Punctuation problem
professions,
show examples
 place greater emphasis on vocational training and professional certificates rather than traditional
university
Use synonyms
 degrees.
To sum up
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,
while
Linking Words
experience
Use synonyms
 and soft
skills
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 are important, completing a
university
Use synonyms
 education remains the most reliable path to securing a good job. A degree provides essential knowledge, qualifications, and intellectual
skills
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,
wish
Use the right word
which
show examples
, when combined with practical
experience
Use synonyms
, can lead to
long term
Use the right word
long-term
show examples
 professional success.

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planning
Make your plan in head or on paper before you write. Start with a light intro, then 2 body parts, then a short end.
structure
Give a strong reason for your view in the last line of the essay. Tidy up the end to avoid loose end.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors like one prospects -> one's prospects and 'wish' -> 'which' or 'and' to 'that'.
examples
Give more specific, clear examples for each side. E.g., what jobs need degree and what jobs gain from hands-on work.
content
Keep the idea that you can combine degree with practice and skill. Show both good sides.
structure
Clear stance is stated early in the essay.
cohesion
Good use of linking words like However and To sum up.
form
Intro, body, and conclusion are present.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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