The question: The working we should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend you agree or disagree

The word in society has significantly
change
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changed
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in recent years. Many people nowadays believe that
working
Correct article usage
the working
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week needs to be
less
Correct word choice
shorter
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and employees deserve to obtain
longer
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a longer
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weekend. I personally agree with
this
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, because I believe that there are numerous people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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work more than they should on top of that, they don’t get treated fairly. In
this
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essay will examine the reasons
,
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apply
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for
this
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and
to
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apply
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why I agree with
this
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statement. On the one hand, there are plenty
advantages
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of advantages
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to having
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
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weekend .
Firstly
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, workers will feel more energetic,
relief
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relieved
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and
relax
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relaxed
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.
For instance
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, working feel like
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a designers
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designers
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designer
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or
architectural things
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architect
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demand
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demands
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creativity and passion.
Therefore
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having
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, having
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extra
Correct article usage
an extra
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day off will encourage employees to work
hard
Rephrase
apply
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harder .
Secondly
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, doctors are always very occupied and isolated from the world due
of
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to
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the long working hours.
For
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example
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example,
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reducing their working hours will encourage them to
socialize
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socialise
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more and have a normal life outside of the working space .
Thirdly
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, a lot of
argument
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arguments
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happened to have with parents who have children .
Argument
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Arguments
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like who should be the one taking care of the child.
However
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, when they
would
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apply
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have
extra
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an extra
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day off
these
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, these
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discussion
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discussions
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will disappear.
This
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will
then
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have a very positive outcome for the
child
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child,
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where they will be spending time with both of their parents. In conclusion, it is
cleared
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clear
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that having
less
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fewer
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working hours is indeed beneficial for all
type
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types
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of workers, parents and others .
it
Fix capitalization
It
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will create a healthier environment in working spaces .

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overall-structure
Your answer states a view and reasons, but develop each point with clear links and more facts. Focus on one clear stance and avoid long digressions.
coherence
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph. Begin with a simple statement of that paragraph's idea, then give one or two explanations or examples.
grammar
Work on grammar and sentence form. Use simple, short sentences, check spelling, and use punctuation to separate ideas.
conclusion
Improve conclusion by restating your stance and summarizing the main reason in one sentence.
content
The essay shows a clear stance and includes relevant examples.
coherence
Use of connectors like 'On the one hand' shows attempt at linking ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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