IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

Work
Use synonyms
-
life
Use synonyms
 balance is becoming more and more widespread in many parts of the world, yet many individuals are not able to achieve it. There are several reasons that lead to
this
Linking Words
 outcome , and there indubitably are various elucidations for
this
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 matter. There are a variety of reasons that have made
this
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 trend prevalent.
To begin
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 with,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 the growth of social media and technology that has made corporate
assignment
Fix the agreement mistake
assignments
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 become more
of
Change preposition
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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chaotic
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 to
work
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 , leaving working individuals with less time to take care of their mental well-being , leading to detrimental diseases related to
this
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 phenomenon ,
such
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 as depression, bipolar
,...
Check wording
disorder,...
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Moreover
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, corporations or any kind of assignment have different variables that we would never be able to perceive or predict ,especially
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 in a fast-developing world like nowadays.
For instance
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, a blue-collar
would
Check wording
worker would
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 not know what's the next time they have to
work
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 overtime, which certainly would ruin their schedule in the day.
Thus
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, people tend to balance their
life
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 in the company and other aspects of
life
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 in order to counteract
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this
Correct determiner usage
the
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 crisis the world has placed on them. Despite these circumstances, achieving
this
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 matter is oppressive
due to
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 the amount of duty they have to carry on everyday
life
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. They can achieve
this
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 goal by trying to be more aware of their own health,
instead
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 of solely focusing on
work
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 they need to prioritize their health, stop working when you felt ill or take a break when you are burnout, all of
this
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 may seem as procrastination but it is actually a refreshment for those in need, since they will be more efficient with
work
Use synonyms
 after it and get a grip of their
life
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 more.
Therefore
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, having a
life
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 with a trajectory to aim at and being able to enjoy all kinds of entertainment that
life
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 would offer. In conclusion, the phenomenon of trying to get stability in their working
life
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 to enjoy other aspects of
life
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, yet
this
Linking Words
 is very hard to attain.
However
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 hard it may be , you should be focusing on your health so you'll be able to get back on your feet to achieve your goals.

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task response
Plan your essay. List two causes and two ways to fix them. Then write a short ending.
lexical
Use only simple words. Make short sentences. Check your grammar and spell.
coherence
Use clear links to join ideas. Words like first, also, but, finally help readers follow your plan.
examples
Add an example for each point. Use facts or real life ideas, even if small.
content
The essay tries to cover causes and steps to fix.
coherence
There is some link between ideas and a plan to help life outside work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
What to do next:
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