IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Celebrities are complaining about their personal lives being exposed through many means by the media. People say they should accept it as a part of their fame. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Famous people in show business complain about the exposure of their private lives via social and mass media resources,
thus
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that
this
Linking Words
 fact has to be accepted as
normal
Correct article usage
a normal
show examples
 situation in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of fame.
This
Linking Words
 essay strongly disagrees with the given statement and provides arguments
agains
Correct your spelling
against
this
Linking Words
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
show examples
. The essay demonstrates the idea that celebrities have rights for personal life and the moment of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exposure should be
percepted
Correct your spelling
perceived
 as
illegal
Correct article usage
an illegal
show examples
 action. First things
first,
Linking Words
it should be mentioned that famous people are still real
humanbeings
Correct your spelling
human beings
, with the same problems and concerns in their own lives,
as a result
Linking Words
,
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
 has any certain right to intrude
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their personal boundaries.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, actors and singers once chose the path of fame, not because they agreed with the constant interruption, but because they decided to share their talents, so named fact does not give any
concent
Correct your spelling
consent
 to bother them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any occasion.
For instance
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, one of the outstanding actresses of all time - Angelina Jolie, is a mother of six children
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 she has been combining her
carrier
Use the right word
career
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 duties with motherhood for more than 20 years
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 as a
protectfull
Correct your spelling
protective
 mother, she defends her boundaries on a daily basis as a normal human.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can be seen that sensationalism
became
Wrong verb form
has become
show examples
 a normal and regular principle nowadays.
As well as
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 being "paparazzi" is kind of a trend nowadays, but getting profit
on
Change preposition
from
show examples
someones
Check wording
someone's
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 story is not legal
according to
Linking Words
Constitutional
Correct article usage
the Constitutional
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 legislature.
Hence
Linking Words
, filming and shooting personal life and making any kind of revenue without the
concent
Correct your spelling
consent
 of the owner is regulated by law and is protected by authorities.
For example
Linking Words
,
model
Correct article usage
a model
show examples
 and influencer from France
-
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 Nicole
Abernathy
Punctuation problem
Abernathy,
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 sued
local
Correct article usage
the local
show examples
 magazine "Charles Libre" for
article
Correct article usage
an article
show examples
 about her personal project for leaking confidential data and won the case in court. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay demonstrates the disagreement with the point that famous
ones
Check wording
people
show examples
 should percept
intruding
Wrong verb form
intrude
show examples
 in their personal life by means of all media
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 occasional
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
.

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task response
Make the idea clear from the start. State your view in the first sentence.
content
Check that all claims are easy to see as true facts and fix any mis used facts.
coherence
Link ideas with good transitions. Use simple words like first, also, then, but.
grammar
Correct spelling and grammar. Fix common errors so the reader can read fast.
task response
You show a clear view against the idea.
examples
You use examples to back your point.
organization
The essay keeps a formal tone and a plan.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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