IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

These days,a considerable amount of advertising is directed at children.Should it be banned because of the adverse effect?To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Children
Use synonyms
 lack the cognitive maturity to understand the persuasive intent behind advertisements. Unlike adults, they are more likely to accept marketing messages as truthful and unbiased.
For example
Linking Words
, fast food commercials often portray unhealthy meals as fun or exciting, leading
children
Use synonyms
 to develop poor dietary habits from a young age.
This
Linking Words
 vulnerability is exploited by corporations to drive sales, often at the expense of
children
Use synonyms
's health and well-being.
Moreover
Linking Words
, targeting
children
Use synonyms
 fosters a culture of materialism and unrealistic expectations. Advertisements often link happiness and social success with the possession of certain products, which can create pressure among young viewers to demand these items from their parents.
This
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 not only strains family finances but
also
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 promotes shallow values based on consumption rather than character, education, or relationships. Some argue that advertising can be educational or raise awareness about useful products.
However
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,
such
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 benefits are minimal compared to the widespread negative influence of manipulative marketing, especially when profit-driven motives override ethical boundaries. In conclusion, the adverse effects of advertising aimed at
children
Use synonyms
 — including manipulation, unhealthy habits, and materialism — far outweigh any potential benefits.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly support a ban on child-targeted advertising to protect their development and well-being.

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introduction
Intro is thin. Start with a general idea about ad share to kids, then give your clear view on the ban.
coherence
Use more bridges. Put words that tie ideas like also, and, but, so to help the flow.
content
Add more facts or data to back a claim. One example is not enough.
task response
Show a small view that goes against your main idea and then say why you still agree, to show balance.
language
Check spelling and use simple grammar. Keep words in common use.
thesis
Clear stance on a ban.
structure
Points are easy to follow and are linked to the idea.
conclusion
Conclusion repeats the view and ends well.
evidence
Uses a real example (fast food) to show harm.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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