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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, young people communicate with friends and family mostly through social networking sites, rather than other ways of communication like talking on the phone or face to face. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

With the increasing popularity of social
media
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,
such
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 as Instagram and Facebook, teenagers tend to
contact
Verb problem
communicate
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 with their relatives and peers using them
instead
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 of using traditional methods, including telephone and in-person
communication
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.
This
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 essay believes
such
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 changes are negative because of the
irreplacibility
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irreplacability
 of certain
features
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 in traditional methods of
communication
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 and the increase
of
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in
show examples
 risks
in
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of
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 suffering from mental illness among the youth. To commence with, various unique aspects of in-person
communication
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 cannot be
dones
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done
 via social networking sites.
While
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 chatting via social
media
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 provides a great range of choices for users to interact with one another, some
features
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 of telephone calls or
face to face
Use the right word
face-to-face
show examples
 discussions cannot be seen with the use of social
medias
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media
show examples
.
This
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 has made
communication
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 become
incomprehensive
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incomprehensible
show examples
 in understanding one another,
weaking
Correct your spelling
weakening
 the function and importance of having interaction. Using Instagram as an example.
Although
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 users can send texts, emojis and stickers to their family and friends, some
features
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, including intonation in speaking, facial expressions and body
languages
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language
show examples
, can hardly be observed when social
media
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 used as the medium of interactions.
However
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, these
features
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 are important in
recognizing
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recognising
show examples
 the feelings and actual thoughts of others. Without these
features
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, discussions would become less vibrant, which shows that replacing
authetic
Correct your spelling
authentic
 conversation with texts and messages in social network sites may be an adverse development.
In addition
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,
such
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 development poses a higher threat for adolescents to suffer from mental illness. Using social
media
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 for conversation means
people
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 have
a
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apply
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higher flexibility in
socializing
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socialising
show examples
.
This
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 implies users may spend their short gap hours
to socialize
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socialising
show examples
.
Nevertheless
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, for a meaningful conversation to take place, a long time is needed. With
shorter
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a shorter
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 time for
communication
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,
people
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 can barely
make
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have
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 deep conversations.
As a result
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, the opportunity for
user
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users
show examples
 to share about themselves is hindered. Even if they have a personal issue they are eager to share, they may not be able to do so because deep conversations can hardly be done. Eventually, as
people
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 fail to express themselves, negative thoughts
accumulates
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accumulate
show examples
, posing higher risks for the youngsters to suffer from emotional behavioural disorders, including depression. To exemplify, in developed cities
such
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 as the US, Japan and Hong Kong, there are increasing
more
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numbers of
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 teenagers who suffer from depression. The rising popularity of social
media
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 replaces in-person interactions,
hence
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 weakening the social well-being of young
people
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.
To conclude
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, replacing traditional ways of
communication
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 with social
media
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 is a negative development
due to
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 the
irreplacibility
Correct your spelling
irreplacability
 of
features
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 in authentic
communication
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 and the deterioration of mental health among teenagers. It is hoped that educators can encourage adolescents to have more in-person
communication
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, so that their well-being can be enhanced.

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Task response
Improve how you answer the task by showing a balanced view. State your main idea clearly and explain it with at least two strong reasons.
Coherence and cohesion
Link ideas well. Use clear topic sentences and simple linking words to show how each paragraph connects to your point.
Language quality
Be more exact with grammar and spelling. Use shorter sentences and check common mistakes to raise accuracy.
Task response
There is a clear position that the topic is negative.
Coherence
You give some reasons to support your view and mention real places as examples.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • geographical barriers
  • strengthen relationships
  • written communication
  • face-to-face interactions
  • digital literacy
  • online presence
  • social skills
  • miscommunication
  • interpersonal relationships
  • tone and emotion
  • feelings of loneliness
  • curated images
  • sense of inadequacy
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