IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, men's value seems to be measured based on
soical
Correct your spelling
social
 status and monetary possessions
instead
Linking Words
 of old traditional values,
such
Linking Words
 as respect, empathy and trust. I, for one, largely agree with
this
Linking Words
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the appreciation of the
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 that
individuals
Use synonyms
instil
Verb problem
put in
show examples
 to achieve success and mass influence on the public, which can
replicates
Wrong verb form
replicate
show examples
 the standards in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, will prove
this
Linking Words
.
To begin
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 with, the foremost argument to justify my point is
Use synonyms
individuals
Correct word choice
that individuals
show examples
 need to work hard
inorder
Use the right word
in order
show examples
 to get the professional titles or authorities.
This
Linking Words
 is the reason
people
Use synonyms
 admire sports
athelete
Correct your spelling
athletes
 more than a white collar
employeer
Correct your spelling
employee
 because players
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to undergo rigorous training and perseverance to achieve the titles.
For example
Linking Words
, Usian bolt is a famous runner who
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 won 8
olympic
Fix capitalization
Olympic
show examples
 gold medals
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 achievement basically
symbolize
Verb problem
symbolises
show examples
 the efforts and sacrifices that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 towards
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 goals.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 why sports
athelite
Correct your spelling
athletes
 and famous celebrities as shown as
reputed
Correct word choice
a reputable
show examples
 status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 worth can be measured through material
possession
Fix the agreement mistake
possessions
show examples
 because it depicts their lifestyle, and
finanical
Correct your spelling
financial
 liberty, which can create a positive influence in the youth.
Youngester
Replace the word
Younger people
show examples
, especially, get motivated by the rich
possession
Fix the agreement mistake
possessions
show examples
 owned by
businessman
Fix the agreement mistake
businessmen
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
, cars,
Correct word choice
and villas
show examples
villas
Punctuation problem
villas,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be a
driven
Replace the word
driving
show examples
 factor in the youth to work towards it.
For instance
Linking Words
,
Genz
Use the right word
Gen
show examples
are
Check wording
Z are
show examples
 highly influenced by famous
billionare
Correct your spelling
billionaire
, Elon
musk
Fix capitalization
Musk
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the lifestyle and
affortability
Correct your spelling
affordability
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
luzurious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
item
Fix the agreement mistake
items
show examples
 that tempt
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults to replicate their idols by working hard.
Thus
Linking Words
, a
men's
Fix the agreement mistake
man's
show examples
 value is judged based on the
accumlation
Correct your spelling
accumulation
 of valuable
assest
Correct your spelling
assets
 that
individuals
Use synonyms
 possess.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
humbles
Check wording
humility
show examples
 and kindness define the men's character and it is essential
attribute
Fix the agreement mistake
attributes
show examples
 for the
wellfare
Correct your spelling
well-being
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
,
as well as
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 globally.
This
Linking Words
 is because
people
Use synonyms
 value more, who have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 attitude and behaviour, which will be
driving
Correct article usage
the driving
show examples
 force for creating
bond
Fix the agreement mistake
bonds
show examples
 and respect.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
old fashioned
Use the right word
old-fashioned
show examples
 values
such
Linking Words
 as respect
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and humbleness are no longer important in
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 days
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
person
Check wording
person's
show examples
 worth is measured by his fame and social position. I believe that
individuals
Use synonyms
 put
affort
Correct your spelling
effort
 to achieve the pinnacle of
successs
Correct your spelling
success
 and create a
masses
Replace the word
mass
show examples
 influence in the youth
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 development of
society
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay first: write a short intro with your view, 2 body parts with one clear idea each, then a short end.
language
Use simple grammar and short, plain sentences. Fix common misspells and repeat words.
content
Stay on the topic. Give more clear proof for each idea with easy examples.
content
You show a clear view and talk about reasons.
structure
You try to give examples to support your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
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